I Am Good With It

my parents used to tell me that when i was a kid, im really good pretending that im not hurt, sick or sad which they didnt know that until now, im good with it.

I know im not suppose to write negative things (coz i decided to be positive the whole year) but i cant avoid it. i just cant. im trying to understand everything, trying to cope up and be more open minded as i am before, but things **** up unexpectedly and they just ruined everything.

Every now and then, i make myself realize that i am not supposed to be affected of the failures in my life, coz the mere fact that i have more reasons to be happy, the more i am contradicting with it.

life is precious as they say, full of ups and downs, but why at this moment i cant think of of those ups that happened to me in the past, just to at least make me feel at ease or good or okay. i am depress you may say, have a lot of questions bugging me like, if your life precious, is mine does too? i have no plans of committing suicide tho, but im just wondering sometimes that if i kill myself now, does anyone be affected? would my inner pain, my imperfections, my bitterness, my anger, and my insecurities, would these all vanish when i die? coz tbh, im also tired of it all.

i know this is too much. and i dont even know why im writing this senseless drama. guess, im just tired of pretending that im not depress. trying my best tho to be okay, coz i know i can.. still trying to work my optimism in this situation and fighting against my blind side personality. this basically is just for nothing, trying to express whats on my mind, maybe, just maybe, it would lessen the worries in my mind. this is really hard, when your optimism and pessimism were clashing.

but right now, i know ill be okay, that's what life's all about, pain and happiness. :) ill be over with this drama coz i am better than this :)
iammighty iammighty
22-25, M
Jan 15, 2013