I don't know what to do. I never really realized I was depressed until I looked at myself in the mirror and I felt like I had died inside. But of course I can't tell people this, so I put on this air of being the best at everything. Most of the people I know, know that I'm a cynic but they all think it's because of my childhood, but I feel like I use it as a defense mechanism so people can't see how sad I am. I wish I was the person I pretend to be(even if she is narcissistic with a huge ego and a mildly sexist attitude), I hate who I really am. All I am is some depressed girl with a fake smile.