Fighting The Black Dog

Hi everyone, this is my second severe bout of depression, the first being thirteen years ago when i was hospitalised and had ect treatment. Iwas concussed at christmas clearing out my kids toys and this must have caused a chemical inbalance because i rapidly descended into panic attaks and then debilitating depression. I couldn,t get out of bed, it took me 2 hours 2 work up the courage 2 get in the shower, the drugs knocked me out and the only place i felt safe was bed. I felt spaced out, withdrawn and isolated.

I was put on citropram but it caused me severe anxiety so have now changed 2 mirtazipane. This dose has been incresed 2 max 45mg and i am still having days where everything is desolate. i have now finally been referres to a psychiatrist who is mentioning using mood stabilisers as well, does anyone know what these r...

Last week in spent nearly all of it intears and i dont no til i wake how good/bad each day will b. i take lozipan 4 the paniky feelings. I am desperate 2 b better as i have a young family 2 look after. I am getting no joy out of life rite now and each day is something 2 b got thru...


I made myself an actionplan of things i can do 2 help myself, then i feel i am controlling the depression rather than it controlling me...hope it mite help u 2

1.Negative thoughts.... block them out or challenge them with a positive one

2. Try 2 carry on with normal activities, even if u r getting no joy out of them

3. Don,t expect 2 feel good- look 4 small achievements(got out of bed/ got kids 2 school) and good things(a hug from a loved one)

4.Try not 2 burden ur carer 2 much. Keep a lid on it, only mention how feel if asked directly...use forum etc.. as this limits its negative impact on those u love.

5.Exercise every day, even just ten min will raise ur serotonin levels. Sit by the window, light is important

6. Take medication including meds 2 control anxiety....keep going bak if not working

7.Dont look 2 the future...depression will cloud ur judgement and colour decisions

8.On bad days look back 2 c how far uve come....good days will eventually outweigh the bad

9. Fake it til u can makeit....pretend wen u have 2 but dont stop doing normal things because this normality will b the thing that starts 2 turn the dep around

10. b kind 2 urself...u will recover, absolutely no question about it  lots of love 2 u all xxxx

susan65 susan65
41-45, F
4 Responses Mar 3, 2010

thanx 4 ur a little scared of goin on the mood stabiliser now, perhaps i should just stick with the antidep a bit longer. i havent heard of the drugs u mention r they anti dep...good luck, i wish u a speedy recovery, u have had a lot 2 deal with xxx

I can relate to your story as well. I was put on Wellbutrin (before the Cymbalta I am on now) and they wound up adding a "mood stabilizer" aka Seroquel which made me very sleepy. I was even on the lowest dose (no I am not bi-polar since this is a common bi-polar medication). My anxiety levels were out the roof with the Wellbutrin and it took me going to a different doctor to get taken off of it. I have been on Cymbalta for over a year and I really like it. <br />
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I think it's great you have a plan to try and help yourself out of your depression. The meds aren't miracle drugs (although I WISH they were) we have to help ourselves as well. Mine probably wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't lost 2 very close family members last year. I know that's a part of life and we have to find a way of coping with it. I hope your steps to recovery are successful. One thing that's always helped me is keeping a blog or journal (private). I document all of my thoughts and get them out of my head. It won't be easy but it will be worth it once you beat it! Hang in there from one victim of depression to another.

g,od, my probs r nothin in comparison. u r doin amazin even tryin 2 keep goin 4 kids etc. dont bother puttin a face on people who care 4 u and love u want 2 b there 4 u and as 4 the others f...k em. try not 2 let the illness control all of u. stick 2 fingers up 2 it and go have fun with ur kids....limit thinking about it 2 a set time in the day if u can so it doesnt invade everything. ....b kinder 2 urself... b thinkin of u and am sending u lots of lovexxx

wow - I can relate to some of that. i hope you feel better someday (soon). <br />
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warning: warm fuzzies end here - the rest is not much fun to read so please don't.<br />
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I try to keep a brave face while going thru radiation treatments for (actually against) a brain tumor. I'm trying to keep the house and kids clean and organized and failing spectacularly - about the only thing I have to look forward to is finding out when the tumor goes cancerous so I can know that the end is near . I managed to keep the mask up for the first few weeks of radiation - now I fon't have the energy anymore so I show my real face. <br />
I'd like to be an optimist, bu previous experience has shown me it just doesn't work.<br />
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sorry if I've ruined your day....bu today it sucks even more to be me.