Pretending To Be Another Person

Before those of you haters please listen to the story any bad inappropriate comments will be reported. I came here to show people that you can over come this and have a new, real life. Not to mention I came on here not to be judged or criticized. So for those of you who have done this listen to my story I am welcome to talking and messaging as long as you are not pretending on here.

I was about 18, and def a straight female, when I found this great amazing 3D chat where you can see the avatars and do all sorts of fun. At the time I was going through stuff such as failing school, losing friends because they were so selfish and wanted everything there way, I was also engaged to a guy I known for two years and we were ok but not wonderful....I had this 3D chat for over 3 years and thought it would be fun to dress up as a male and experience what it was like to have male things and show my friends how funny I look as a male. It was known there that many people dressed up as opposite sexes just for party play. One day I created a character just to take my mind off of things. Because I don't have a dad or a type of male role model I decided to create someone that I would admire and love. I created a him and I did such a good job. I went to different clubs to see what reactions I would get but what I didn't realize was who I was attracting. I was very naive so I didn't think of the poor women. I met this woman named "Z" and she was so distraught and sad but she was so happy to have met me. Before I could tell her who I was I just got so caught up in our conversation. She asked me to dance so I did....I hoped that I made her day, I hoped that she was more happier. She was. It was never a game to me when I started it and it wasn't after that either. I thought I would be a great guy friend till she starts feeling better and able to get back on track with her life. Eventually as days and weeks went by we became really close friends and soon I started to feel excited and wanting to talk to her everyday. I couldn't tell you how excited I was to actually have a friend that was so nice and cared. She was a loving mother and had a heart of an angel. Everyday we talked and it was so wonderful I felt peace in my heart that was missing from everything else. I was happy and she was happy and we were just really good friends. I don't know why I didn't tell her I wasn't a man, I think I just got swept up in being the night in shinning armor that she def needed cuz of her past. Then eventually we got even more closer as in boyfriend and girlfriend closer. We did virtual kissing and a little messing around and then we actually had virtual sex. For some reason it felt good to be that wonderful man. I made him look so handsome also created him to be tall, muscular, sweet as honey, understanding and very personable like me..He had the same interests as me and such. She started falling for this character and I started falling for her and my character as well. I wanted a man like that, and so did she. It was all so fast and months after that we actually shared phone numbers, Facebook, my space and so on. We dated and broke up several many times because I knew it wasn't right to do that but I couldn't help it because I cared so much! But I had excuses and made up a breath taking story of why he couldn't and shouldn't be with her and that was my way of trying so hard to stop messing around with her feelings so I made up a story of him being in love with a woman he has known for ages and she left him and his childhood he was poor and dad was abusive. I felt terrible lying about that but I wanted her to keep moving on so I stayed by her side throughout the whole process as I eased out little by little. But it never ended up working. I still felt such a strong connection and loved her so dearly she was an amazing human being. I made up the fact he was a model and found the perfect pictures to fit him and then she started to really fall for him. I was getting lost in this character and suddenly I was becoming him. When she had guy troubles she told me I was the reason, when she hurt herself she told me I was the reason, I panicked and tried talking her through it....I cried so hard and prayed so hard tht he would save her....I hated myself and tried even harder to break away. We spent time on the chat talking trying to make her change her mind about me, she wouldn't do it saying that it just makes me that much more amazing. I cried listening to that because soon IK I would have to tell her that I wasn't who I said I am. We even got engaged on the chat and I broke up before it. It completely devastated her because we were so attached. That was the last time I dated her. Then we just became friends even though it was so hard. Then we had our awkward moments and weird talks, the tension was unbearable. She was suspicious at times but she blew it off because she thought I was just being shy. But then the love of his life came back in the picture, he was the type that would do anything for her and thats how he turned out which def made Z much more sad. I never realized how emotional she was till she hurt herself. I couldn't believe I caused her pain, I never wanted that. I just wanted to be her friend. Then one day we were texting and she asked, are you really who you say you are? Please be honest"....I sighed and said nothing....Then she asked what? I told her, you know I love you so much, right?" She said I was scaring her so I sucked in my stomach and told her. It was time to let her live her life she doesn't deserve this misery of always being in love with me. I couldn't bare the fact that she was suffering so I stopped it that day. After all the talks we had and late nights I stayed up with her because of a bad relationship she finally got to move on. She threatened to report me and I begged her not too...I was absolutely sincere about everything because I everything I said and did was out of love but she didn't need to be lied to like that. She tried to text me a little after that which I was so grateful for but then she just stopped and eventually changed her number. I lost the person I was so close to and loved but IK I deserved the misery that I put her through for a year. Everyday since then I have missed our friendship and talking and wish I could of done things differently but what is done is done. I miss her, my best friend. After a year of pretending I got to a really really low point in my life and did it again but only for three months, then he just completely vanished and I never developed any relationships. After that longing to want to return being happy I stopped because I didn't want anyone to get hurt anymore. Now that I have been faced with karma and my issues I have been hit purdy hard and its bad because I have lost a lot. I think the lose of people in my life influenced me to find something else as someone else. But that is no excuse. I have seen pain and felt major pain so for those of you who are currently pretending or having trouble quitting the best thing to do is come clean and wipe out everything you have. Don't look back and deal with karma and the issues your facing with those you are close too. Don't make anyone miserable just because you are. I just watched my best friend walk away and wished me to go to hell because of all of this and I hope someday I hope that God and her can forgive me for everything. I vowed to never get involved and you should too. If anyone needs help I am here everyday just message me, Please! Thank you for reading I would of wrote more but it's too long.
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 23, 2013