Leaving Everything For The Last Moment

Hi. I'm Sid. Procrastination destroyed me. I'm lazy, and I procrastinate. It's like a drug. I know it's bad for me, but I do it anyway.

I've read countless articles about procrastination, but then this is me "Articles on how to stop procrastinating? I'll read it later." I just can't get away from it.

I do EVERYTHING at the last moment: Studies, homework, doubts, expressing my feelings to the girl I like... basically everything. I don't know why. I guess I have this belief in my head that sometimes things can really be completed at the last moment. Only happened once, once, with me.

Back in 9th grade last year, I was panicking. I had my History exam. I had not studied anything. I stretched myself till 3 AM. 3 AM and I managed to finish it. I got a respectable 75/100. Did the same for Geography, got 74/100. This was the only time something "not bad" happened. I tried to repeat it again. Failed miserably, in repeating the success, not in the exam. This year in 10th grade, during September, I had not studied anything, anything for History. I had 2 cups of coffee and DID NOT SLEEP THE WHOLE NIGHT. Only 15 mins when the sun had risen. I got 65/100. Bad score.

In December, a month ago, again I had not studied anything for History. It was 7 PM. I decided to sleep for 30 mins, so that I could be fresh and that i'll be able to study the whole night. I woke up at 1 AM. I panicked. I sat and began to study. I dozed off at least 8 times. Wasted 6 hours in my short nap, and 1 hour in my dozes. I got 45/100 in that History test. I was disgusted.

And now again my History exam comes day after tomorrow. I have today and tomorrow to study it. It's 11:34 PM right now. I wasted the whole of today too. And I guess i'll be wasting the whole of tomorrow also. My parents tell me so much, go study, go study, in the end they also give up on me.. There are 28 chapters in total, 305 pages in total. I'm a pathetic fool. I don't think I can manage tonight..

I've tried to lie to my brain so much. I keep telling it that "Exam is tomorrow not day after" to make myself study, but everyone can lie to my brain, except me..

I really need to stop procrastinating. After these current exams my finals will come, and I have to get 95% at least. I'm not a bad student. I'm a good student, but procrastination makes me an average student.

I really feel sad for my parents. I feel like a disgrace. When I was younger I was an amazing student, getting great marks. From 7th grade my grades have been going down down down. Social life down down down. Everything down down down. I don't know why do I go on Facebook so much. The whole site is practically useless, complete crap, but I can endlessly spend hours on it, liking memes. Then I started blogging, to give myself a better reason to procrastinate. I've completely forgotten about it.. It's all procrastination, with the help of poor memory.

I wish I could brainwash my self to focus on studies. I really need to study.
owlcity01 owlcity01
13-15, M
Jan 7, 2013