Punish Myself

I punish myself through self sabotage. Whether I like it or not. Whether I am conscious of it or not. I think I actually enjoy emotional pain, or the fact that it is the only true emotion I can feel properly. It's all I've ever known. Even love should be most painful or else it's not love right? of course not but that's how it is for me. I want you to hate me and then I can love you. I'm too messed up. I don't even deserve your love so I'll **** it all up.

Mediocre Mediocre
22-25, F
2 Responses Feb 25, 2010

Thanks :)

Not true at all. You can't mess it up. We aver no standards here. No measure of how a person is or is not supposed to be. I believe in the right of every individual to be what they want. For all the stories we read about each other we really are strangers. I only know as much as you are willing to tell about yourself. That is the beauty of EP you get to be who you want to be...No questions asked. (ok. People will ask, but you don't have to answer)