I'm Good At It

I think I've just always had a hard time getting close to people. I have close friends. Very few. I don't really trust people. I think it's easier not to get close, because then letting go is so much easier. I've done it for so long. I hate it, but at the same time I know that, in the end I made it easier on both of us. I've done it to a lot of people. It doesn't really bother me anymore. Honestly, sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I would've given them the chance. Just to get to know them. My friend Drake and I, we had something going. Then I pushed him away and avoided him for almost three months. Of course he didn't make it easy. But I did it.. Then after the three months was over he was happily in love with another girl. I was happy for them. I was literally smiling like an idiot. But it also hurt like hell because I knew that could've been me and him. I could've been in her place. He was a great guy. I knew he deserved better, and that's the only reason I kept pushing him away. I push people away when we get too close. I'm usually doing it for the well being of the other person. Not really for myself.
TheRogueWolf TheRogueWolf
18-21, F
2 Responses May 20, 2012

I understand what you're going through but is there a reason why you're pushing people away? That's the only part I can't grasp, was something done to you in the past? Did you have a really rough childhood?

That is a sad thing for you to say, that they would be happier without you? Why can't they be the judge if they want to be your friend? I can relate to your behavior, but from personal experience the risk is worth it.