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I Push People Away Even When I Dont Want to

I May Finish This Later..

By: wack1985
Written on May 22nd, 2012
I get it from my family I think.
I always was kind of a quiet girl I personally don't think it's a problem, it's other people who do and why i seem to care is beyond me. Being quiet does NOT mean I lack confidence. Talking about things that bother me does NOT help me through them. I don't normally talk a lot it's difficult for me to put things into words. I'm more visual than auditory. (which is why I can express myself in written form much more clearly than verbally.)
Women can be visual too. I sometimes wonder if it's the Aspergers or not.

I am not bipolar or anything it's Autism I find it irritating when people who don't know what they're talking about try to tell me I have bipolar when it's not true. If you don't have a psych degree don't tell me what I "have". :P It irritates the crap out of me.

I was actually quite curious as a youngster and when ever I would ask a question or something I always got either no answer or "none of your business" frankly I got sick of it.
Neither of my parents are really all that social they both lack social skills and I wonder somehow if it affected the three of us. (my siblings and me)
As a woman it seems to me like I either pushing the man away or am too needy there seems to be no inbetween here.
I tend to overthink and analyze myself into a corner where I don't even know what to do.
People just think that I don't like people because I don't talk a lot, if you stammered like an idiot you wouldn't want to talk a lot either.
By: wack1985
Age: 26-30 , Female
205 people have read this story

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3 responses
  • lawena
    lawena

    I came from a "broken" raised by my dad from about 8yr of age, I have built a wall around my heart i had no feelings for anyone, If attracted to a female the object was purely sexual, no commitments except to the navy, I am a recovering alcoholic and pot smoker. A stint in jail, a judge that finally gave me a probation officer to report to saved my life. The PO directed me to AA meetings and Substance abuse program. i began to know a freedom for the first time, The wall is still standing but with a small portal that allows me accept compliments, say thanks and talk with strangers but i still avoid crowds. In my 75 + yrs i will say it's never too late.

    May 23, 2012
    1 like
  • wack1985
    wack1985

    I have been diagnosed with it my brain is even different because my MRIs come back abnormal (more grey matter than typical which is a sign of autism and my intelligence is high and other signs/symptoms make most of the psychologists I talk to think it's Aspergers). Although not all the psychologists I've talked with agree that Aspergers actually exists. It kind of depends on who you ask really.

    as for my family I don't know but I wouldn't be surprised if they were.

    May 22, 2012
    1 like
  • thecarer
    thecarer

    Like your writing you mention "Asberghers" have you been diagnosed? you say you were curious as child about all things or just something that caught your attention?Have difficulty in making friends? Maybe your parents to have "Asbergher" which has not been diagnosed as it can be hereditary.

    May 22, 2012
    1 like