When I was 14. I had my first boyfriend. He was 4 years older than me.
I was deeply attached to him and losing him felt as losing my self. We had a two year relationship where he made me feel loved and safe. That feeling he provided was new to me, and I couldn't let go of it. From my miserable childhood and early teenager years I knew nothing could last forever. I was very scared he would leave me, and that haunted me all the time. The thought of that in the back of my head was killing me, destroying me, and haunting me. I ignored it till it wasn't there anymore. Ignoring it was a mistake. I let him in. He took a piece of me. He left because he had found someone better, and pretty. I knew it would happen, no-one could possibly love me. I cried for over an year, I cried myself to sleep, I cried every time I had a dream about him, I cried every time someone brought up his name. He destroyed me. He promised me lies. I can't let that happen again. I don't want to be alone, but I don't know how to make the thoughts stop.
AConfusedLeo AConfusedLeo
70+, F
1 Response Apr 11, 2016

There can never be anyone better than you. We are all equal in God's eyes. If he left it means he just wasn't the right guy for you. You deserve better than that anyways. Don't worry hun. You'll find the right one some day. Don't lose faith. Take care of yourself.