I Put My Child Into Foster Care

Nearly 16 yrs ago i put my son into foster care. I ended up doing this through the courts as my mother wanted to look after him. I freaked as she couldn't look after us when we were growing up and took so many tablets daily. Freaky s***. The thing is i had to keep him away from my ex as he was an abusive man and hurt me physically and mentally. Even now i struggle with the latter-mentally. !6 yrs later. He has been with the same family now for 15 of those years and i like him-i don't hate him anymore but io don't love him-due to circumstances of his conception and afterwards post natal depression.

 I feel guilty that i couldn't and still can't love him or look after him.  On a lucid day back then-i decided that i didn't want him to grow up like i did. I used to OD and i didn't want him to see this from me. I cannot love him no matter how hard i try. I try not to blame him and hate him but it doesn't always work-i know that it's not his fault (in my head i know this) but something doesn't allow me to keep this in mind.

wowpup wowpup
41-45, F
Mar 13, 2010