I'm A Bit Drained..

I used to want to help everyone else out first. I really based my life around other people's happiness. If someone needed me, no matter who they were or what they wanted, I'd do everything in my power to be there for them. I was the first to offer a shoulder to cry on, even if it was to a random stranger. And that made me happy. I did it for my own satisfaction, being able to see people happy and knowing that I helped to make it happen. But lately I feel like the guilt that it would cause me not to do things for others is sometimes the only reason I continue to do it. Someone asks me for a favor, and no matter how much I hate to say yes, I do. Just because the guilt of not doing it kills me. I've started telling myself to think about my happiness first, focus on what I want and then turn to others. But would that make me selfish? I mean, I do things for myself. If I want something I buy it; if something sounds like a good time, I do it. But I can only do those things if other people approve. I've started to doubt every decision I make, every thought I have, because I spend so much time thinking about what will happen if one person I care about doesn't agree with what I'm doing, that eventually I just stop. It's getting hard to be a people pleaser..I want more for me, and I tell myself that I should go with it because it's MY life and MY happiness, but when it starts to seem like one decision that I make for myself could make so many other people unhappy, I feel trapped. I don't want to live my life miserable. I don't want to be the reason for anyone else's life being miserable, either. I over-think so many things and after awhile I don't even want to come to a conclusion; I just want to dig a hole and curl up in it, get away from the world and everyone in it, my friends, my family, my fiance, myself...everyone. I need to start living for myself. But I just can't. I feel like I've become a slave to the life I decided to live, and now I can't get away from it. ...I just want to be me. I need my own space, my own happiness, my own dreams, and my own life, without any interference or disapproval. But with everyone who knows me to be the one that makes them feel better when THEIR life is going wrong, I don't want to be the let-down so many of their lives. I'm trapped in my own mind, it seems, it's not even being controlled by me, or the me that I want to be anyway, and I just want out..
harleegee harleegee
4 Responses Jan 6, 2011

take small step's and ask god to help you love yourself and start doing things you like to do, go to a movie by yourself, i believe for me it's learned behavoir, it's time to unlearn from old behavoir, god told me that i am free in him. lovebyGod

I have the same issue going on as well. I put others before myself because if they aren't happy they can't have a good time. I don't want to be happy on my own, I want to share happiness or joy or what ever with them as well. I feel some what a bit selfish if they aren't happy. So I do what I can to make them happy. Everyone needs someone to listen to them because not a lot of people genuinely care about another's wellbeing and problems, this is were people like u come in.<br />
After listening and talking they are better, happier, problem is we aren't completely happy, like I said before truth is not everyone cares, even though we are there for others and help out A LOT we aren't appreciated for what we do that is why we aren't completely satisfied with ourselves. To others we are just there for their convenience.<br />
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Because I have realized this, I have started to careless about other, but I seem to feel even more shut out from the world because the only reason why people befriended me was so that they had someone to talk to about the things no one else cared about. <br />
So now I feel alone, I need some one to listen to me for a change, to advise me, be there and to have a shoulder to cry on. But I don't have anyone because I'm the one that's there for others.<br />
I have also noticed that I'm becoming a bitter person because of it... :-/<br />
I apologize if I have repeated or made grammar errors for I am really tired.

I want to thank you personal for sharing this personal story with other, that need's to no that they are not alone in feeling this way, for a very long time i have been experience the same problem. i always pour out of myself and i'm tied of people disrepected, and unconcern for other feeling, dumping junk, no appreciated and then, your left holding their lowself-esteem, negative,unwilling, spirit and not wanted to try something different in life. well with that said it's time for me to pray and keep it moving......not to say i will never help again, but it's my time to be blessed. loveby God

I never had anyone to be there for me when i needed it. So i try to go out of my way to be there for peoples' emotions. But sometimes it feels like i should just let natural selection run its course.

Gosh I feel like your writing about me too!! you have described the way you are brilliantly,I can only say please please please find a wayout of this vicious cycle,dont spend your life neglecting yourself,I am 50 now and dont know if is too late for me to change,but your young and can learn to love and respect yourself.<br />
Try small baby steps first and do little things that please YOU!! enjoy them.yes it will take time,months maybe years but you can learn to love yourself and te people you love will still be there for you and recognise your need to cahnge.<br />
Lots of love and luck.<br />