I Was Drinking to Self-medicate

My beverage of choice was dry red wines, such as shiraz, and right before I quit I was drinking 3/4 of a bottle of wine all by myself every evening.  I'm a petite girl and am lucky I didn't kill myself.  Alcohol was never kind to me.  Under the influence I: attempted suicide, "broke up" with two best friends, got into a bar fight, had numerous "sobbing" episodes in public places, had unprotected sex, countless arguments, passed out at a company holiday party and had to be carried out by coworkers, was raped, and self-injured by cutting and other methods (I still have the scars).  Earlier this year, after I hit rock bottom, I saw a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  I continued to drink until I tried to throw myself out of a vehicle moving at highway speeds.  I quit drinking cold turkey the next day.  It has been interesting adjusting to a sober life.  The thought that I can't have fun without liquor is deeply engraved in my mind, and I crave a drink whenever times get rough.  Nonetheless I have stayed sober and my bipolar recovery is going very well.
GretaSamsa GretaSamsa
26-30, F
6 Responses Jul 15, 2007

Good for you! I am also bipolar and have tried the self medicating route, no luck. Now I'm affiliated with AA and it is doing wonders.

STAY STRONG!

STAY STRONG!

I could have wrote that! minus the car thing, *** in 1 1/2 bottles, shiraz merlot, and was borderline. Just quit but Im excited about it this time like a realize evnt hough I think I have it all under control on one level on another I know I cant trust myself when it comes to drinking- or men

I could have wrote that! minus the car thing, *** in 1 1/2 bottles, shiraz merlot, and was borderline. Just quit but Im excited about it this time like a realize evnt hough I think I have it all under control on one level on another I know I cant trust myself when it comes to drinking- or men

Yes indeed - alcohol - the gift that keeps on giving! I came in out of the rain almost 7 years ago - I think of the decision as the nicest gift I ever gave myself. Some people can drink - I'm not one of them. Alcohol very nearly killed me - and I'm not giving it another chance.