Okay, So I Stopped Smoking,again.

I know its a habit that is repulsive to some, stinky, and deadly to others, but it is still desireable to me.Over a nearly 20year period of smoking. Its become a friend. A constant in my life, and if i was found without a cigarette i would go into a frenzy!!. So smoking had been treating me fine all of these years, regardless of all of the health reports and stats given. But in Mid 2009, my health began to blemish. I had a horrific cough that would not go away for over a month, i was wheezing, and soon was terrified, that i might have the BIG "C". So i went to the doctor, took some tests, turns out that i'm possibly slight ashmatic, and due to side effects of my blood pressure medication, these were the reasons for my violent coughing and wheezing, episodes. Upon my diagnosis, i had stopped smoking for about 3 months before this doctors visit. I cannot pinpoint what actually started me back to smoking, the only thing i can remember was the urge. It was sooo strong!! It started out, bumimg smokes from other fellow smokers, then outside of my employment, the little cigarette box with all the sand to discard of them? yep. shamefully, i could just walk by and pick up a fresh ciggi any brand, that had been lit and put right out, or half way smoked. It didn't really matter, i was gonna take it, and by the way, did i mention that i was sneaking while doing all of this? Yes my genious plan was to inform EVERYBODY that i had quit, so that i would feel more compelled to stay on the straight and narrow. Yes, i failed miserably.  So soon after, i said to hell with all of this. I wasn't wheezing, the cough had left, so i started buying my own packs of smokes. I would buy a pack and tell myself, after i finish this pack, that's it!! So since then i've probably bought about 20 packs of smokes. Now about 3 weeks ago i was asked to sing a solo a church, and i accepted. Everything was going great i was still smoking, of course, and 7 days before my performance, i got a horrible cold. Sore throat, hoarse, coughing. So i drowned myself in theraflu, and honey, and lemon tea, 4 times a day. (probably more). But i knew smoking had to go during this healing process. So again, i quit, for the sake of my vocal cords. What kept me away from the smokes was telling myself, after your performance you can go and buy you some smokes. Well, I performed last Saturday, and everyone loved my voice. And here we are with a grand total of about 2 weeks of know smoking!! i am very happy but i'm at a loss all the time with what to do with my hands?? There are so many designated times and places throughout the day which calls for a cigarette, and this chalky taste begins to form in my mouth, and i don't know how much longer i will be able to sustain my sobriety. I have done this cold turkey, and i am hoping someone who can relate to my "all over the page" story that i have shared.

MSJuesaye73 MSJuesaye73
36-40, F
1 Response Mar 4, 2010

Don't quit, smoking is so pleasurable and delicious! Light up and enjoy!