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Remembering Why I Quit In The First Place.

Im 28 and I've literally been trying to quit since I was 20, started at 14. Amazing how I've already smoked half my life. To the older smokers I may still sound like an amateur, somebody too young to be so addicted. Believe me, this couldn't be farther from the truth. Every day that I smoked I would literally look forward to my next cigarette the instant I was putting one out. I loved everything about it. I've been quit for almost 3 months now and often find myself focusing only on the things I miss about it, not all the reasons why I wanted to quit in the first place. The addiction is amazing. I worry the entire time while I'm smoking how I'm killing myself and then the instant I quit I'm constantly feeling sorry for myself how I can never do anything the same. Everytime I've quit my resolve starts out extremely strong and then by month two is diminishing by the day. This time however is different. I was working the other day and convinced myself that right after work I was going to buy a pack because "I deserved it." How frickin stupid. I got smart this time though. I decided to search "lung cancer" on youtube and watched people dealing with the fact that it was too late and saying good bye to their loved ones. The whole reason I wanted to quit instantly came back to me. I pictured myself laying in the cat scan tube or whatever the hell its called and having doctors study how bad of shape the inside of my chest really was. I can stop this now I realized. Do I want my fiance and daughter standing over me crying while I try and comfort them? Screw that, all us smokers can and will do this. Having a beer is going to suck for awhile without my trusty marlboros but I and we will get over it. Is enjoying these few moments where that drag taste especially good worth risking our entire lives over. No way. I plan on living a long and healthy life, but when I do finally die and meet St. Peter at the pearly gates first thing I'm going to say is "So this is heaven eh? Gotta light?"
c4valent c4valent 26-30, M Sep 18, 2012

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