I Just Stopped For a Long Time.

“Nah, I don’t smoke anymore,” I’d say.


“Really? How come? You quit?” the stupid questions would start.


“Yeah. Well, not really. I kinda quit. I’m just not smoking for a long time,” I couldn’t admit I was no longer a smoker. Not even to non-smokers.


It’s always been my opinion that there’s nothing more annoying than an ex-smoker. Just because YOU’RE a quitter doesn’t mean we all have to be. The health warning, the moral guilt, the Think-About-Your-Future and not to forget my preferred favourite: the Think-Of-The-Money-You-Could-Be-Saving. It’s great, isn’t it?


“If you can SPELL emphysema, I’ll quit – right now.” No-one ever could. And I spent my pack a week. They spent theirs on booze.


But no-one could quite grapple with the simple fact very few smokers have the balls to admit: “We smoke because we want to die slowly”. So slowly that we can’t be accused of the self-indulgence that suicidal attempts or life apathy would expose.


It makes you feel like **** temporarily doesn’t it?


But it’s liberating to acknowledge. Yes, I’m killing myself. That’s the whole idea.


But I couldn’t handle the looks, the sighs, the shakes of the head from people I knew knew why I was doing what I was doing. So I stopped smoking. And the looks stopped. And the social pressure eased. I fit the mould again. I appeared like someone who wanted to live. How safe. How quaint.


And people will get confused and wonder why I light up occasionally; “I didn’t know you smoked?”


“I don’t”.




“I’m just not wanting to breathe as good today”.


“… Oh”.


And they understand even less, why we do what we do.



mswonderland mswonderland
22-25, F
3 Responses Sep 27, 2008

"We smoke because we want to die slowly." Excuse me while I roll my eyes. <br />
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I used to hate self-righteous ex-smokers until I quit smoking. Now I am a self-righteous ex-smoker. Not because I particularly care for the health of others, but because I really hate the tobacco companies who make billions off the suffering of others. <br />
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Oh, and btw Issac95, dying of lung cancer or emphysema is hardly a painless death. (Had to check the spelling of emphysema...eheheh).

I hate smoking, mostly because I don't choose to smoke I obey. But the slow and painless death is a plus. Sort of.

There's the eloquence that I've been missing. Welcome back.<br />
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Exactly as it is, and better than I would have ever said it. I don't miss smoking, I miss dying.