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I Just Stopped For a Long Time.

“Nah, I don’t smoke anymore,” I’d say.

 

“Really? How come? You quit?” the stupid questions would start.

 

“Yeah. Well, not really. I kinda quit. I’m just not smoking for a long time,” I couldn’t admit I was no longer a smoker. Not even to non-smokers.

 

It’s always been my opinion that there’s nothing more annoying than an ex-smoker. Just because YOU’RE a quitter doesn’t mean we all have to be. The health warning, the moral guilt, the Think-About-Your-Future and not to forget my preferred favourite: the Think-Of-The-Money-You-Could-Be-Saving. It’s great, isn’t it?

 

“If you can SPELL emphysema, I’ll quit – right now.” No-one ever could. And I spent my pack a week. They spent theirs on booze.

 

But no-one could quite grapple with the simple fact very few smokers have the balls to admit: “We smoke because we want to die slowly”. So slowly that we can’t be accused of the self-indulgence that suicidal attempts or life apathy would expose.

 

It makes you feel like **** temporarily doesn’t it?

 

But it’s liberating to acknowledge. Yes, I’m killing myself. That’s the whole idea.

 

But I couldn’t handle the looks, the sighs, the shakes of the head from people I knew knew why I was doing what I was doing. So I stopped smoking. And the looks stopped. And the social pressure eased. I fit the mould again. I appeared like someone who wanted to live. How safe. How quaint.

 

And people will get confused and wonder why I light up occasionally; “I didn’t know you smoked?”

 

“I don’t”.

 

“So…”

 

“I’m just not wanting to breathe as good today”.

 

“… Oh”.

 

And they understand even less, why we do what we do.

 

 

mswonderland mswonderland 22-25, F 3 Responses Sep 27, 2008

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"We smoke because we want to die slowly." Excuse me while I roll my eyes. <br />
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I used to hate self-righteous ex-smokers until I quit smoking. Now I am a self-righteous ex-smoker. Not because I particularly care for the health of others, but because I really hate the tobacco companies who make billions off the suffering of others. <br />
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Oh, and btw Issac95, dying of lung cancer or emphysema is hardly a painless death. (Had to check the spelling of emphysema...eheheh).

I hate smoking, mostly because I don't choose to smoke I obey. But the slow and painless death is a plus. Sort of.

There's the eloquence that I've been missing. Welcome back.<br />
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Exactly as it is, and better than I would have ever said it. I don't miss smoking, I miss dying.