Difficulties, Dreams and That Noxious Smell

I quit smoking. I've done it a few times (as has everyone who smokes) but I've stuck to it this time. About three weeks without a puff and almost two months without buying my nicotine fix. (Which means I was a moderate bum for a couple of weeks.)

But now I'm coming upon difficulties.

For one thing, almost all of my friends at college are smokers. And much of the time I spent with them here on campus was in the smoking section..... smoking. And because of the smoking sections, I can't go anywhere on campus without seeing smokers happily puffing away at their nicotine. Its like a Salem advertisement. A few of my smoking friends have already asked if I've quit smoking and after that question, I haven't seen much of them. I don't know if I can hang out with them.... and making all new friends as a second semester freshman who didn't do so well making friends..... it seems like it will be difficult.

For another, my friends at home and my family are smokers. My house smells of nicotine, ash trays and stale Camel Lights (which were one of the only brands I wouldn't willingly smoke.) And while it smells awful now that I've gone awhile without it, that smell still has a subconscious tug on me. And unlike the campus friends, I can't just abandon my friends at home- I've got to hang out with them. Which means sitting in a den of ash trays, lighters and Newport 100s as I play Magic and videogames with a friend I've known since fifth grade (and who has been smoking just as long.)

And now, recently, I've begun to have dreams where smoking comes up. Its like RJ Reynolds has started seeding my brain at night. One dream, I puff away like I used to in what was otherwise a surreal dream. In another, I find my girlfriend (half the reason I quit) smoking and I lecture her on why Mavericks are the worst brand possible and if she is to smoke, she needs to have some taste. Upon smoking in this dream, however, I got a bit of guilt and regret with each somnatic puff and then I realized it was just a dream.

I want to stick with it this time..... I don't want this to merely be a break between packs. But seriously, it seems as though the structures of life and my mind are trying to thwart me.

fadethebutcher fadethebutcher
Mar 17, 2009