Breaking Glass

 I quit back in june of 07 after using for 2 and a half years.  I was using heavily in late 06/ early 07 then a good friend of mine was caught with a load of junk on his way to pick up... part of what he was caught with was for me.  Currently my friend is starting his 2nd year of a 5year sentence. Meth has completely ruined his life, and I was well on the way to ruining mine.  Watching him get raped by the system over a few bags of dope really woke me up to the fact that we were all just circling the drain.  I spent a week detoxing, didn't even leave my bed, struggling with severe depression and withdrawal...  stopped answering my phone, didn't go to work and eventually i realized i had to physically start over in a new place because everything and everyone i knew was just another opportunity to get tweeked. I moved back with the rents for a few months to sift through the smouldering rubble of the life i'd fashioned for myself...

Its been two years and i still discover lost paraphernalia with my stuff, everything from straw scoops and gram baggies to oilburners and speedbongs. last year i found a burner with about a half g of residue and i am not proud to say that i smoked it up.  afterwards i ransacked my house and tossed all the paraphernalia i could find in dumpster about half a mile away...  i was incredibly ashamed for being so weak.

I hardly ever talk to anyone i was close with in those days.  and the few that i do quit shortly after i did.  Staying away from that whole scene, the hotels, the dank basements and raves, was really the hardest part.  Like cutting off your own thumbs... but life goes on and going back to living life without glass was the best favor i ever did myself.  I haven't touched it since, tho I certainly won't claim soberiety.  maryjane and trip are a few old friends that have never done me wrong ;)

spark420 spark420
22-25, F
4 Responses Jun 15, 2009

hey spark420 youve it the nail on the head Im planning a geographical move, 100km from my dealers wasnt enough Im going to give 1000km a go on my own for at least six to twelve months,carear change the whole lot get of the smokes and get fit,my current support network is not working,I end up confused and not doing anything.
Watch this space

I have a great amount of empathy for you, my addiction lasted for two years as well (Although I was on and off). It's incredible how much of a profound impact it can make in your life. What started off as a way to manage my XXy disease turned into a living hell. All I lived for was buying another 40. Needless to say, I am so paranoid about getting cancer or some other life threatening disease. Is that something you have experienced? I try to stay active and read/write to help my brain and lungs get back on track. I have been clean for nearly six months (I did, however, have a little tweak-end a couple of months ago :( - but I kicked myself in the @$$ for that!) yet I am still going through severe mood swings and terrible depression and an overall feeling of hopelessness. Watching comedies, sex, food, playing drums, and marijuana (every so often) seems to ease it a little.

Yeh bud I have been asked to have a blood screen and Im ******** myself im genuienly scared,My partner and I are trying to have a baby not nice when you both get told you partners ***** is deformed and lifstyle choices would be a cause for that.I think quality of life should be a deciding factor when choice life or death,society can suck it up.

"the fact that we are all just circling the drain" thats the perfect way to put it!

From a writing stand point this was meaty. I like your style. I wanted the story to go further. On a personal level, I am so sorry for your past and so proud of your present. Well done.