Nail #1(of Many)I decided to post this here because it seemed most fitting for the mood around this story
And it begins
The wife comes down stairs and tosses out the idea of going to Outback for dinner. Now, you have to understand that she didnt come down and say 'How would you feel about Outback?'. It was more of a statement if not a command in itself because it was what she wanted and no one else really matters when it comes to eating. My oldest daughter, who was not feeling well, was lease than enthusiaistic. She has also made it known that she has an x-friend who works there and doesnt want to be around him. Personally I dont want someone in that situation handling, in any way, something I will eat. But being ill she wanted something light like soup or salad. The wife, having her hopes crushed, threw up her arms and let them flop down in frustration, turning to stomp(Im only exageratting a tad) back up stairs.
My daughter turned to me, angry, and said 'Why is it always about her? Why cant she understand how I dont feel good and I wont go there because of him?'. I really dont have agood explanation. Shes alawyas been like this and my duaghter knows it. Its what has pushed this family apart, or has contributed to it. She has a less than sparkling relationship with the girls, they come to me with the important questions or problems. But the food....thats a big issue. A week or two ago it was the same thing nearly. She had to have a ceratain something. And once its in her head she wont turn loose until shjes sated. Ive literally seen her scowl at meals I fixed because it wasnt what she wanted. ve cuaght her sneaking out on an 'errand' and shell go get something if a meal isnt what she wants.
Most likely my girls have a phobia about food if not an outright eating disorder. My oldest is most definitely body dysmorphic(I think thats the right term) and needs to see a counselor but has refused up until now. For my part, this attitude and her lack of depth and variety in her pallette makes it hard for me to find enthusiasm when i cook. And I do love to cook. Its cost her health as she had her gaul bladder removed but yet still eats poorly. Shes being watched regularly for diabetes as her blood sugar is unhealthy.
In her mind twenty minutes on the wii is a good enough workout and Im not even going to argue. Once, years ago, I tried to just suggest that she see a dietician to get some insight on what foods would be best and how to eat healthy. She very nearly tore my head off reacting as if Id asked her to sacrifice her first born. So I learned not to offer suggestions. I learned she wants her way, no discussion, no dialogue. I learned shes self centered and obtuse. And I grew apathetic.
Shes been urged to get counseling for this and other things by a professional psychologist. She refuses. But this illness is alienating everyone in her life. Maybe its too late? Maybe she wont change or will just shift the blame to others. With the attitudes she displays most of the time I think she wants to be the victim . Lord knows Ive tried to be patient and Ive tried to help. There might just be one nail too many......,.
Deanze 41-45, M 5 Responses 3 Sep 23, 2012