I Hate Rapist!

I was rape by my mom when i was 3jears old than again by her at 11jears old than again by her at 16jears old than she got 16guys to rape me at my birhday party at 18,19,20,21,22,23,24 and now raped by her and it was no walk in the park and not eazy for me so stop thinking it not bad becouse it is terreble! It destroid my hole live and becouse of that i suffer from bipolar depression and is a hard person i dont trust people eazy and i am harsh
TheLastJustice TheLastJustice
31-35, F
6 Responses May 21, 2012

What a horrible terrible evil mother.

You have had terrible experiences and my heart goes out to you. I hope you are now safe, away from that woman and finding some happiness. Egg

wow! have you tried eft? eft is really really good for these things. i have used it for bad backflash memories of watching my dad rape my mom in front of me when I was 6. Totally recommend it.

this is a very sad story, many people are unaware that females can be perps too, I know what you mean by net enjoying sex as a man i am expected to want sex all the time but because of my child hood i just don't you have my support

I'm sorry hun. Luckily my virginity was kept in tact but I've been molested sever times. First I feel ashamed, then sickened, and then I'm like what did I do to deserve it? why? or could I have stopped it?<br />
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I hear stories about other peoples assaults and it just infuriates me. Just sickens me what people are capable of. If God could forgive me I would have a hard time not relieving those people from this earth because I don't think they deserve to breathe.<br />
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I developed panic disorder with agoraphobia and incidents that happened years ago are still having an affect on me as well. You could take your mother to court for it if that would help you move on but sometimes it makes it worse. I had a lot of people not believe me or simply look the other way when I sought help as a child so I don't dream of taking those people to court today I don't want to go through all that pain and embarrassment.<br />
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If your're happy to be alive you have your life back in your hands now so you should live it and let those people rot in hell. Just remember yo

-you're in control now.

Unfortunatly for me i am stil stuck with this can get away dont know what to do i even hate sex with my bf i dont want to its not him its me i realy want to be able to enjoy it like any other normal woman but it is hard everytime he ask me i hate it more and more than all my rape memmories comes back i even hate myself and hit myself what can i do?

It is a shame that your mother did this to you. She really needs mental assistance. You will deal with depression but the strengtht that you have displayed through this will be your guide. See the beauty in you that no one else has seen...It is there even under the la<x>yers of shame you feel. Remember trust is something ALL must earn...