I Miss You And Still Think About You Every Day.

I've lost so many friends. I've lost most to suicide because i wasn't strong enough to help them. I only cried and was being pathetic over it. I realized.. I never got to say bye to them. It ended with a fight to each person because of my bipolar. I don't pitty myself and I hope you don't pitty me. I just need to get this off my chest so to say. And hey, maybe their over my shoulder or yours watching you read this and me type it and I hope they know that I'm so sorry.. I didn't want to lose them. That's why I was angry with them. I've cried many nights. I've attempted suicide but then I stopped.. My friend told me to stop but..hes gone now. I don't want to cut because not cutting gives me the memory of him. I've been in counseling but none of that stuff works because I don't rally open up to people unless their online like on here. I can deal with this. I cant face it in life though. I walked for cancer not to long ago. I saw all the people who were crying.. I felt so bad that I nearly broke out in tears. They are all beautiful people. Everyone is. Well.. I think I'll stop now while I can. Sorry that you had to read this and waste your time.
Theworldneedshope Theworldneedshope
13-15, T
2 Responses Oct 27, 2012

i understand how you feel im kinda down like that in these days too for the last couple of days it feels as if it is getting harder and harder the thought and feel of blood rushing down my face feels so exciteing to me and i dont no why ive never been that way until i started having worse problems with my parents and had to break up with my boyfriend because ive done started doing drugs if people in life had friends, would not get bullied, and had someone to talk to there would be alot of difference in the world i hope that one day when i finish school i can get out there and help kids and teens just like us the worlds done got so awful but we just have to learn how to keep our head held high and be strong let out all our tears because theres nothing wrong with crying so feel free if you need to because if u keep your emotions built up inside you will be just like me waking up everyday thinking lifes the same hating yourself and others and wishing you wasnt here because you believe noone cares.

Your story really brought tears to my eyes and i understand were you are coming from not that i have to many friends were i live at because even no im 17 i always have hard times fitting in it must be really hard to must have gone through something like that.... The best thing is that you have a strong heart even know u might not think you do you just have to find that person deep inside.... I can tell that you were really close to the friend of yours that passed but everything happens for a reason and its okay to cry their in a much better place and you should really learn from that there is no reason in this world to cut yourself because u regret that they did and you couldnt help them maybe it was gods way of telling them that they needed to go so they wouldnt have to suffer in this hateful world but you shouldnt blame ur self because it is not your fault.... You should learn from it because it will make u a better and strong person and you will realize that life is short and you shouldnt take anything for

Thank you.. I know but being strong is so hard anymore and whats worse is that I'm only fourteen. I just turned fourteen this year too. Things have really gone pretty badly. I try to be strong but I cry at least twice every week. One of the people whom died was actually my ex girlfriend and that was because I broke up with her. I felt so bad.. I still do, it just hurts so much. and to see most of my friends are still suicidal kills me inside knowing nothing I do can change their mind. I have awful scars..reminding me of my past and my wrongs I would hate for someone to go through with something like that leaving a permanent scar on themselves forever and effecting the people around them as I have been. I hate seeing that someone has passed. Even if I don't know them or anything about them.. Like the Amanda Todd girl. I cried for her. I'm just naturally a mixed emotional person. And that's what makes it difficult in life. Not many people understand things like that which makes labels and from there bullying and from there suicide. Our world is honestly crashing down on everyone. In the worst way possible too.. Its hard to even make a difference anymore.