Time Wasted. Life Wasted.

I am a person that does not care for feelings. I don't care about impressions, unless its' to get a job or to get laid. In that order.

I have friends that I can honestly say I don't care about, or even refer to as friends. 

I drink and smoke pot all the time with said non-friends and yet I am tired of drinking and getting high with said non-friends.

I don't have a job and haven't had one since April 2008 from which i stole stuff very frequently

Not only that job, but every job I have had I'd stolen from in some shape or form.

To make money on a daily to weekly basis I also steal, be it from retail stores or someone's car.

To justify this I make excuses about "how I don't have a job" or "a guy gots to eat."

I am cruel to those that seek to help me, and then blame it on my upbringing, that I was raised by the streets and didn't need help.

I claim to be a survivor but I am really a scavenger. 

I claim to be a strong person with a good heart, that I only make wrong and bad choices in life,

But I am a weak person with a heavy heart that makes choices that seem right and come naturally to me.

My negative output is so much while I have almost no positive output.

I take everything from society and contribute absolutely nothing back.

I have grown so tired of the same thing different day,

and I realized this earlier today.

...

 

When did I become such a *******?

deleted deleted
26-30
3 Responses Feb 17, 2010

hey well first off good thing that you admit what you did was wrong i wish more guys were actuallly like that then maybe the world would be a little better. i know exactly what u mean about making mistakes because everyone does it multiple times i know that you can change and get all the help that you need on this website and i am one of your helpers to actually i am a physciatrist (not sure if its spelled right) But im 21 kinda young but i am good at what i do so always feel free to talk to me because i will be here. i wish there were more guys out in this world like you. i think i like you already:)

Sounds like you're feeling sorry for yourself a lot! If you don't like yourself and don't enjoy your life, then stop making excuses and change it. Nobody else is going to do it for you. It's your choice, be the dumpster freak you have become, or be whatever you'd like to be. I really don't see a problem. Of course you can cry on the internet, but nobody really cares about a dipp**** like you.

Wow. This is not the sort of question that can be easily answered in a short form. <br />
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To begin with, you must have more going for you than you realize. Your write well, very precisely. I think your meaning is clear. I would guess you probably speak well, too, because blog writing is especially close to the way people actually speak. Plus, you know you don't like where you are at right now. That is pretty significant.<br />
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As for the other stuff. I understand putting the weed away can be difficult, but maybe that is a place to start. People tend to congregate with others who do similar stuff. If you replace stone-time with some other behavior, you will drift toward others who do that, whatever it is. Just be careful what you choose as the replacement.<br />
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I have more, but I'll just leave you with this: It took more than a day to become what/who you are now. It will take more than a day to become someone better. So, when you have setbacks, do not think of them as permanent. Learn from them and move on.