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I Know I Rant And Have Confusion Around Me

I know I would baffle a psychologist. I know I have deep trust issues and issues over who to trust. I am sick of being abused and sexually molestered at and sexually controled. I am sick of being a play thing for twisted people. I want to know the truth. I want to know why?

My issues are mostly to do with others controlling me sexually against my will. I am sick of being used as a puppet and not getting anything out of life or relationships. I am sick of being played for a fool. and sexually or psychologically hurt. I am sick of peoples games.

My issues are to do with missing out on the things I want... being told what I want by others who don't know what is wright for me.

being set up to look like a sexual idiot or deviate and being set up to be raped, I am sick of it. its made me an ill person physically, and emotionally.

I would rather no one in my life than the wrong people trying to control me. I need people who are caring and sensative and clever and thoughtful and funny and real and who feel real feelings... people I can laugh and cry with,,, and that is the same for my heart,

I need someone who is real and wont hurt me. who take the time to allow me to feel safe with them.

I am sick of the bullying and games and lies. I am sick of being fooled with... my heart being messed with.

I don''t want to be with black or arab men. I dont want to be with idiots I dont want people telling me how to feel. I want to be with someone who will love me for the right reasons. and want me to look great, doing what I want to do. I want a man who wants me to look beautiful for him and who is careful with love and sex and likes to look good too. I want someone who excites me. and gives me peace and allows me to be who I am and who I want to be.

I know I need to trust doctors more and medical people. I know I need to enjoy life more. I am scared with my pain.. I am afraid I have a bad illness, so I just dont think about it. I feel the same way with the cats. sometimes I want to die. its my cats that keep me going.
czaristacrystals czaristacrystals 36-40, F Jul 24, 2011

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