I really hate my life. I am 17 years old and I can barely bear living my life. All I want to do is stay in the computer and listen to music so I can escape it. It's also what ruined my life at the same time. My mother today just admitted to me today she can't stand me (well I give her one thing, at least one of us finally admitted we can't stand each other) and I feel the same. Out of everyone, in the world, the person I hate the most is my own mother. I can't stand her! I don't want to be anywhere near her, I don't even like talking to her. I know I can be a little ***** because I will admit, I hate doing chores, I hate folding my clothes, I hate cleaning the house, I just don't like helping her in general. I would help someone else, but not her! I hate her! And she hates me too! She hate me because I'm different and I'm not the daughter she wanted! She doesn't love me for me! I know I'm flawed, more flawed than the avereage person! I have ADD, I am paranoid, I am always nervous of how people think of me! I remember when I would tell her my problems in school thinking she could help me, but then when I get her angry she would turn it against me and blame me for getting picked on by the other kids! I knew in that moment I can never trust her! Everytime she ****** me off, I'd wish she'd going away and sometimes die! I whisper it to myself hoping she'd one day hear me! So she can see how much I hate her! Everything wrong with me I'm to blame! I didn't ask to be this way! I didn't ask to be born! I just want to punch her across the face at times to show her I'm not scared of her! But when I calm down I feel terrible about the things I say but I just can't take it. I do love her, but I hate her even more. But at times when I think about it, I hate myself. I just want to graduate highschool, go to college, start my own life and hope to God I never see her again! I can't have her ruining my life! I feel so angry around her I can't take it anymore!
bubbly12 bubbly12
13-15, F
Dec 28, 2015