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Where Did I Go Wrong?

Well here I am. I’m on a website trying to meet people because I can’t seem to make friends in real life. I’m not going to make this a “poor me” story, but a “what the hell went wrong” story. It sometimes boggles my mind how people walk around and say “I have 500 friends” and I can’t get 5 people to show up to my funeral. Not that I’ve died, but you get the point. Good people struggle to find friends while not so good people can’t keep track of the people they know. Do I have it backwards in life? Do I need to become selfish, greedy and self absorbed to actually get people to like me? Now I’m not saying people don’t like me, that’s not the case at all, which only further confuses me, people like me. I have been told that I make people comfortable and people enjoy being around me, but what goes so wrong from point A to point B that I lose them? I know in the past I wasn’t so sure of who I was so I mirrored everyone that come along. Although I still haven’t truly found out who I am, I’m getting a lot closer than in the past. It’s a hard task finding out who you are and actually being comfortable with that person. Another thing I’ve heard is how people really enjoy my unique child like quality. I’m now comfortable enough and appreciate who I am. I often wonder if being who you are is worth standing alone or should I simply do what others are so I fit in? I live in a very conservative town, I’m married to a very conservative person, but that’s just not me, so I’m clearly the black sheep. Or at least I haven’t found like minded people close to me. It makes me really sad that I feel like I’ve done something wrong in my life; after this long without a social group or at least one good friend you really start to question “what the hell is wrong with me.” Don’t get me wrong, I love me, but clearly I’m doing something wrong.
I try to put on this happy façade like I’m okay being alone and independent (yes I’m married, but alone in the friend sense) but deep down it kills me. I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong or what is so wrong with me. Obviously there are other people out there struggling to.
Why do some people have to search for friends while others seem to be a magnetic and friends just appear to them? Are the standards we have to high? Do we expect too much from others, or maybe we aren’t giving enough ourselves? Am I just too naïve to think that I actually think I deserve friends? Am I to blind to see what others see or don’t see in me that is rebelling people from me? Am I putting off some signs that say, Hey I don’t want to be friends with you? I feel like I should carry a sign around saying “Friends wanted.”
I’m a good person with a huge heart and all I want is a few good friends- but damn if I know how to actually get there.
Atimeforchange Atimeforchange 31-35 19 Responses Jan 10, 2012

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Wow you sound sooo like me,everything you said is the same way for me :-)

ive tryed for 10 years to find friends but i dont no where to look i dont go to pubs and clubs and the only people i know r 2 skitsophrenic people and 1 old friend that just borrows from me stays for a coffee then goes

Hi everyone. I wrote this post and I cannot say how comforting it is to know that I am not the only one who feels this way. I am glad that what I wrote was so relatable to others. Maybe I'll write another 'update' post, although some of the friend situation has not changed much, I think over the past year I have changed and it has helped me see things differently. Hopefully if I get to write that one, it also will relate to some people and maybe the positive things I have learned can be taught to others and I can learn some things from others. It seems like we are all in a similar place, and just knowing that is a huge plus! we should all take comfort in that. I would be more than happy to chat with anyone who doesn't mind a slightly goofy person :) Just message me!!!

im more than slieghtly goofy this is the only way i could think of being able 2 meet peple just like every one else on site i would love to chat to u

I can relate to the way everyone is feeling...finding friends is very hard. It leaves you feeling empty and lonely. This is how I feel...very sad....:(

I hear you. Good true friends are hard to find.

This is so true about me.
I could have wrote this story.
Its exactly how I feel.

I can relate to what you're going thru, and if you ever wanna talk, don't hesitate to message me :)

hi

I 'm going through the same problems. I've always had problems with friendships and i've had experiences where friends stop calling for no reason at all

and i know exactly what you mean by what you said:

It seems that simply being a decent loyal person is an extinct thing

.Good people struggle to find friends while not so good people can’t keep track of the people they know. Do I have it backwards in life

for some twisted reason people admire bitchy people

if you or anybody else is interested in talking , please message me : )

i'm more comfortable writing to a person than just writing in space

Good luck to you all

hey if you need someone to listen message me

hi

Atimeforchange. I think we have a lot in common. I am 32, married for 10yrs w/ a 2yr old. I am a stay @ home mom who gets along w/ everyone but when I want to visit or hang out w/ friends, it doesn't seem like I can find 1. I like to go for walks, love going to the movies & cooking. Wow this is starting to sound like a dating site. Tho I think in retrospect finding friends is kinda like finding a date. Lol though I doubt we live anywhere near each other. Message me if you'd like to chat.

My name is Kate, and I just wanted you to know I love you :). Everyone is important in the system of life, including you. If you need a friend, I'm here, and if that doesn't work, stay strong. The perfect friends will come at the perfect timing.

I wonder if you have found a friend? I'm unemployed but looking for work everyday and spending a lot of time of the internet. I have no friends and not much family but I was really sure that I was the only one going through it, I know everyone gets lonely sometimes but I dont know anyone like me!!! I thought dating would solve it but it has left me scared. Men only want sex and don't even see me as a person, its like I'm an animal for their sexual gratification!! I tried to find girlfriends but they put me down behind my back or try to humiliate me in front of a crowd to make themselves look better. I just let go of a so called friend of four years and I'm sooo lonely. He would never want to hang out unless we were having some kind of sex...I'm so desprate for affection and companionship I Iet it go on for that long. I just want a friend..No strings attached.Mayb we could chat sometime...

I wonder sometimes about people, those who get to know you and would turn around and say that you are a really special person - and if you are in a fix they are there for you. Then comes the time that you do need your friends and the best result you get is a few patronising text messages!<br />
Sometimes I feel alone on an island of 1. I could knock out a list of people who would claim to be my friends, but no-one has made any effort to be there in what has been a horrible and difficult year - but requests have been made.<br />
I have lots of people say I am a nice person and they feel really comfortable around me but not one that I now would rate as a true friend.<br />
If I had a friend that needed someone to talk to I would either be there in person or at the end of the phone. If a friend wanted to go out and do something but had no-one to go with I would make time. If I give my word about something it is very important to me that I keep it - so why are other people not like that? Maybe they are but I am just not lucky to have any of them in my circle of friends.<br />
It has been a while since this article was first posted, I hope by now that you have been able to find a friendship with at least one other person (other than your other half) and that things are improving. Please don't think that because you felt this way there must be something wrong with you, that is not true.

I couldn't have done a better job writing this identical story about my life. I am successful, respected and well off financially, but I have few friends in this world. As I look back at my life, I can always remember not having a great number of friends growning up and was content to to stuff alone. I never asked anyone for help, yet was always avaialable at the drop of a hat to help others. I gave of myself to others and asked for nothing in return. I took great pride at being independent. I think there was just something in my aura that kept others from feeling comfortable with me. Maybe, it was a look on my face or body language...I don't know. I've learned to make the best of my situation by surrounding myself with those who have a special quality to make and keep friends without really trying. I know a woman who attracts anyone and everyone. Men, women blue collar mechanics or white collar executives. She can have her standing in line with her back turned and people will just want to talk to her. I think she is blessed with a warm sexual aura that attracts people. She told me that she does nothing and people are just attracted to her. I have seen her in action doing nothing..and it IS real magic. She would be a billionaire if her formula could be bottled and sold to those of us who could use good karma.

i have always thought the same thing. how can a nice person like me not have so many friends as a person not so nice as me? And I also wonder if I have something that makes people I approach think I'm desperate and therefore don't want to be with me. I have also tried to mirror, tried to imitate people socially healthy, but that's just not me, it doesn't suit me. I know who I am know, I'm a pretty calm person, that likes to smile and have fun, but am really lonely 'cause I have lost friends in the past 'cause I never learned how to keep them. Sometimes I wanna give up trying to make friends, and here I am, at a website trying to socialize, since it seems really hard out there. I am gonna keep trying though, I hang on to the hope that someday I'll get the friends I deserve and that once I have them I will NOT lose them again.

Hello Time,<br />
<br />
There are many groups to join. <br />
1.Nature walks<br />
2.Dancing<br />
3.Book clubs<br />
4.Gym<br />
5.Give time to a dog shelter<br />
6.Give time to social community groups<br />
7.Book read to people who have lost their eye sight<br />
<br />
GoodLuck!

Thanks for the suggestions.. I've actually done some of these. I have been involved in the dog shelter, even organizing fundraisers. joining groups or doing things isn't the problem as much as I don't seem to connect with people for the long term. Sure I'll tlak with them, get along with them, but it's the point A to point B I have trouble with. You know how you sometimes go for along time without doing something you forget and it takes you awhile toget back into it? I think I forgot how to make friends becuase it's been so long. I don't know the steps to take.. That may sound odd, but it's the truth.

Thanks for the validation of my feelings. I was really nervous to post this and I"m glad that there are others who can relate to me!

This could be me ... most of the time I don't give a fig that no one calls me or want to hang out, unless I am the one to say "Hey, want to do something?" But when I get lonely; I am so lonely. Right now I am trying really really hard NOT to call those people in my life. I just wish they would call just to say hi, or ask if I wanted to hang out; instead of wanting something (fortunately they don't call to offend wanting something either) ...