Holding On For What?

loneliness feels like my its my new best friend.... like i don't know.... like it feels like people are seriously popping in and out of my life for what? Its gotten to the point where i don't even answer phone calls or texts anymore....you'd think after knowing them for like over 4 years we'd be closer then ever... yet we are act like strangers now....yeah strangers.... at the end of the day i question why be best-friends /close-friends if I cant be open with them or they clearly don't understand me at all anymore .... like once I cried my eyes out over the phone talking to one of my best friends... suicide was the only thing on my mind.... instead of saying be strong everything will be okay.... the one day we were on the phone and i'm crying my eyes out.. even told him how I've been cutting myself... he goes oh and sits there quiet.... at that moment it just let me know he doesn't care at all about me but its more to it..... its not just that one thing that has me bitter against him.... now a days he only wants to call me when he's bored (that's why i don't answer my phone)the few times i answer he's watching TV and blocks me out so i'm normally talking to myself and i find that disrespectful like honestly i wouldn't mind if he said ok i'm going to watch TV ttyl or what ever no he doesn't do that he sits and blocks me out, pretends to sleep when we talk (but he's really texting or again watching TV and i know to some that may seem silly to be mad about but when you are opening yourself up to some one you consider close to you and they ignore you it really hurts and like i suffer from depression and I've been hurt so much in my life like every since i could remember and it hurts even more when you have to force yourself to walk away from the people who you thought you could trust or loved the most... more then your own family....its not just him its another "friend" i knew way back but she has new friends and only runs to me when she has problems or she needs to laugh.... her i miss yous never seem real to me anymore right behind them are lies...... bad memories.... and discomfort.....(sighs) well i already made this long so i guess i'll stop here
mimixthexmisfit mimixthexmisfit
18-21, F
1 Response Sep 5, 2012

Hold on for the moment, I know it seems like everything around you, the people, the places, the emotions are against you, but its really not, there are so many things in life to look forward too, and I'm not just saying that, there's always a reason or a plan set in motion, it's difficult to explain, but there's got to be a reason I read you story. After writing one of my own for the first time, I saw your post right away, that's got to mean something. Do you have hobbies, or dream? Things in life you look forward to? or smile about?

yeah of course :) that was me venting like idk i just needed to express what i was holding in for the longest :)