How Do You Know For Sure?

See, I know I'm loved.  I realize that.  But lately I've felt like how can you be totally sure?  I've been depressed for the past few months, and have gone into social withdrawal because of it.  I used to see my friends all the time and, while I'm shy, talk a lot when I'm with friends.  But now, I avoid hanging out with friends, dread parties, and am pretty much silent in school. You know what's really sad?  No one seems to notice or care.  I could be absent for a week or even move without telling anyone, and no one would notice.  I know, this seems like typical drama queen thoughts, but it really isn't.  Logically, I know that I have friends that love me, but when I'm sitting at lunch silently just listening to conversations as people talk over and around me, I realize that no one would notice if I were gone.  I really need support with my depression, but I can tell they'd just think I'm a fake.  Is it too much to ask for a real hug than just hugging my pillow as I cry myself to sleep?  I really want to feel loved and wanted by my friends, but the worse my depression gets, the more alone I am.  What do I do?
Justabarbarian Justabarbarian
18-21, F
1 Response May 8, 2007

i am the same as you, and all i can say is to EXPRESS IT any way you can. let people know something is wrong and that you need help. I became a cutter, which isn't very smart but it worked, and it did help, and it got me to a wonderful therapist who helped put stuff in order for me. Talking to a person who is a complete stranger and just pouring out all the hurt and confusion and loneliness, it sounds so cheesy but trust me babe, it helps.