Mea Culpa

I did an entire degree; this pathetic story I have already related in another post. I thought I wanted him. But, that wasn't it. I wanted him to want me.  If he did then it would mean that I really was special and worthwhile. That I was Worthy of existing because I felt then, I didn't.  I looked at my reflection a lot then. I still do sometimes but, not as much as I used to.  It wasn't vanity that drew me to my reflection, it was the desperate need to see that I was there. That I existed, that I was worthwhile. Hence, if this guy could want me. Me,the least of the group! Then it would prove my worthiness. Then I could be real. I would exist in this world and not as an expression of my mind and my will.
"I think therefore I am" may be a truism, but it is hollow one.
DarkPhoenix DarkPhoenix
31-35, F
2 Responses May 25, 2007

the guy that you thought was the one for you turned out to be not. I'm sure that you will find your true love. We all go through the misleading ones that we think are Mr. Right but turns out to not be. . . sometimes we just have to keep searching....

I wish I had your talent, I have tried so many times to express my feelings through words and I always find myself stuck.