To Feel Nostalgic Or Not To? That Is the Question

1992- Witnessed my first cow slaughter at front of our house, (eid-ul-fitr), the knife was blunt, and the Imam (priest) was having a dificult time cutting through the neck. Blood splatter, glassy eyes.

Started school

1993- Last episode of McGyver was aired in my country.

Grandma severely beat our girl servant, for harbouring food; forced her to use her own dress to clean the servant quarter's toilet bowl.

1994- Dad had his affair, mom attempted suicide. Family seperated, later reconciled because of ammounting pressure to save face. divorce meant family name tarnished.

Grandma had a stroke.

1995- Moved to NZ, hated the isolation, fell in love with the sceanic splendours of the country. Subject to racist slurs from school children.

1996 - 1997 Dad had his second affair, his bussiness was doing well. Mom went through nervous breakdown.

First "Serious" beating from mom- beat me with a belt in the washing room, because I wore her lipstick.

1999-Went overseas, family drama, cousin made advances towards me, (he was 9 years older I) cringe. Dad went bankrupt.

2000-Moved to Australia, eating disorder. Bullying. First crush on a boy. Grandma and Grandpa dies.

2001- 2004 Changing schools, recovered from eating disorder. Brother beaten for "liking" a Christian girl. First (unofficial) marirage proposal from a doctor. -parents euphoric

2005-Graduated from highschool as dux. Family pleased. Got my license. Dad registers as a doctor in Australia. Modelled; was the "face" of multi-culturalism. Poster (4m*4m) hung at Hyde Park for 3 weeks.

2006- Started uni, met Raaul, first sip of alcohol, first kiss, "you were just a target set by older guys I had to reach". "What are you doing to me, I never felt like this about anyone". Threatened to leave home resulted in severe beating, dad locked me in store room all night. Broke up with raaul. Piercings. Diet pills. Depression. Worked in accoutning firm and voluntary charity work for the cancer institue of Australia. Hate parents and condescending brother.

2007- Work, uni, (paternal) Grandparents living with us, attending all their needs. no "pretentious friends". Beatings, emotional abuse "you are the black sheep of the family" "You are such a burden to us". "why did you tan yourself, now no on will marry you"- mom in tears because I tanned myself, believes in white supremacy- its a cultural trait. Lots of studying, monotonous life, getting "engaged" at the end of this year to "surgeon" - so that I will secure my future and family pedigree.

Hmm I have had an eventful life, I wonder what the future holds! Should I feign optimism? Ofcourse. after all the world doesn't need another self-proclaimed cynic.

umathena umathena
18-21, F
6 Responses Apr 7, 2007

Yours is an awful story! get outside your present world & learn to stand up for yourself. where I live (Ireland) what u are going through would be considered abuse & punishable under law.<br />
No body I repeat nobody should be beaten for their wish to have makeup sex or whatever. GET OUT BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!!!!

I have ready many of your posts. I wish you could come to Texas, and I could help you reclaim some of what you lost. You are too young to become a wife. This is the time to concentrate on and to nurture yourself.

Do you miss Raaul? You have had some tough times, does your family show you love too, or just impatience and disdain? You could move, in todays world you don't have to put up with them if you don't want too... Your eductated, intelligent, pretty... you could go anywhere. :?)

You've had a lot of pressure. Are you still getting engaged? Have you considered studying overseas to get away from the family?

I'm sorry about all your sorrows, thanks for sharing.<br />
One day, I know, you'll become a person you can like.

That sucks...what is important about a family pedigree? Would you want a doctor with cold hands and mouth or a cashier with warm ones? I guess everyone is different...I would take the cashier.