18 Weeks Pegnant N Just Found Out There Was No Heartbeat

i am 18weeks pregnant and two days ago i went n for my monthly baby check up only to find there was no heart beat with the heart doppler so he did a u-s at his office and u couldn c no heart beat there either now by this point i was currently numb n thinking to my self please this can not be happening to me.... i have two boys whom are 12 y-o n 6 y-o and had no trouble carryin them .. anyway so he sends me over to the hospital where she puts me on the table n by that point my heart is racing i am thinking please god let her find a heart beat no mind u this whole time i was feeling the baby move the baby even kick at the heart doppler at my dr office. so she begans to looks at my baby and nothing no heart beat and the baby is really low n my tummy and was not moving but just b4 that waiting for my name to be called i could feel my baby move. so she looks at me n said i am so sorry ur baby has passed. as i am walking out of the hospital i am still numb thinking y and what happen and how can this be bc i was just feeling my baby move. i am still waiting on the hospital to call me n set up to where they want me to get a d&e done but yet iswear i still feel this baby move insideof me ..... all i have got done doing is crying and crying i never n my life have felt pain like this. i am going to ask them well tell them i want another u-s done b4 i go threw with this d&e i am not getting my hopes up i just want to make sure my baby has passed b4 i go threw with this .... i cant help to think i have failed my baby and failed as a mother and i am blaming my self bc god ave me one job to do to keep this baby alive n safe for 9 months and i feel like i couldnt even do something so smiple i am beside my self and feel like each hr that goes by i am falling more and more apart i cant eat or sleep i dont want to do anthing but have my baby alive n well still growing inside me how do i deal with this ?
mama0521 mama0521
26-30, F
Dec 7, 2012