Solitary I Am

I had this really close friend... She was from the other side of the country, we met on the internet. We were both little then - I was in the 4th grade, and she was in the 6th. Yet she did not behave too indulgently because of my being 2 years younger. Our characters really matched. We had many things in common - we had both been bullied at school for having excellent grades, we were both unpopular amongst schoolmates, etc. We made friends in 2005. In 2006 we were already wishing to meet in real life. But that never happened.

When I turned my computer on, I launched Skype and we would sit and chat for hours, we even talked through the phone sometimes. We exchanged pictures, we talked about photoshopping (which is still our common interest). We had our own forum board, we exchanged tips when we both joined myspace, livejournal, and other teenage fad-like communities.

Until I was in the 8th grade, and she was in 10th. At first we kept chatting regularly, but then it would happen more and more seldom. The last thing I remember that kept us together was one person - I had fallen for a boy who lived somewhere near her city, and she had a classmate who turned out to be my crush's best friend. That was the last thing we had ever talked about, until her birthday came. March 12 2009. I had already taken up sports and did not use the computer quite often. Even if I did so, I did not launch Skype or any other instant messengers. So I sorta ignored her, but so did she me. I remember the last months of 2008 (especially October) when I was always the one who started our conversations.

So I congratulated her on her birthday. She never replied until May 2009. She told me she'd been depressed for a very long while, etc. Okay, okay, enough about that. Our next conversation was started by me in September.

I did not feel her close anymore, she had totally forgotten about me. We've never actually fallen out, so I still don't know what the reason might be. Probably she decided to emphasise on her real-life contacts, not on some stupid almost-3-years-younger girl she met on the Internet.

She used to tell me I was like a sister to her. Now she wouldn't even say hi. Not on my birthday, not on national holidays, not on New Year, not ever.

She's already 18. I can't believe it. She's probably changed a lot. I'll probably never know what to.

xSapphire xSapphire
18-21, F
2 Responses Mar 14, 2010

Thank you for being so understanding and friendly. *hugs back*<br />
What I actually think the problem is, is that when we were in contact, we probably talked way TOO much. Unfortunately, I don't have the chance to browse our chats chronology, so I cannot remember what were our last topics of conversation.<br />
Or maybe she really doesn't want to deal with a much yonger one. :D It's almost 3 years that I'm younger than her. A mutual friend of us is 1 year older than me, and our girl often complained in front of me that the other's being too childish at times. "Kids - you know them," she would sometimes say even though she was speaking to an even younger kid!

I can hear how much this hurts you. I'm sorry hon. This happens a lot, more often than we realize. We grow up. People change, they move on. Unfortunately they sometimes leave us behind in the process. Have you tried to reach her again? Maybe she really did go through a bad patch there and was severely depressed. I know that when I'm really upset or depressed [or even ill] I always avoid people. I actually push them away. Sometimes we think who wants us around all depressed and bringing them down too- right? You said that you stopped messaging her first? Is it possible that she thought you no longer wanted to be friends and that's why she pulled back? I've recently lost quite a few of my best, closest friends. They've passed away. Life is short sweetie. It may not be too late for your friend and you..........I know you're upset but what more have you got to lose? If you really would like to resume the friendship or atleast try to get some answers, perhaps for closure, then why not try to reach her again? If you're fine with the way it is and want to leave things as is, I totally respect and understand this as well. I know how hard it is to lose someone who is more like family than your own. It aches to the core. I wish you all the best, however this may turn out. And I am sorry for your loss. *Hugz*