One Step Beyond ...

I really thought I was above it.  I've never been a jealous person. Never had cause to be.  No, not me.  

Recently something happened which made me feel really jealous and I was amazed at how it affected me.  I am not going to share what happened, it was too trivial and I am ashamed of my over-reaction to it. 

But, boy, did it take me by surprise.  The feelings were so strong that they manifested in a bodily reaction ... I could feel the heat of anger rise through me and my face flushed.  I ended up with a headache. It made me feel sick and played on my mind for about 12 hours until I could convince myself of how stupid I was being. 

It's a very powerful emotion, not one that I welcome at all. 

womaninbliss womaninbliss
51-55, F
15 Responses Mar 8, 2010

thanks for that comment verticalvixen (great name by the way!) ... on this occasion it was something trivial ... don't know that I'd be that strong if it were something serious ...

yes, I understand this mehameha. we can be forced to compete with things which are more important. It does make a scar which never goes away completely.

Jealousy can really destroy a relationship. I have experienced jealousy of another's attention with inanimate ob<x>jects, such as when the television is more important than our conversation. I find it irritatating that I'm less important than a machine. At this instant I suddenly am forced to realize that the person I care about doesn't hold those feelings as a constant in themselves the way I do. Then I feel less respected. It's like a cut. It does get your attention but over time even the biggest scars fade. They never go away competely. Just like a cut it is personal.

yes I know Marji ... doesn't stop it being scary though! ((hugs))

I don't deserve sympathy Quintesse ... it was totally stupid and unjustified ... totally irrational ... it's really abut fear isn't it? A fear of something or someone being taken away from you ... some change being imposed which you don't want ... being dragged outside your comfort zone ... kicking and screaming ... I think the thing which shocked me about it ... was how quickly it rose ... and therefore how close to the surface it actually is ... it was frightening. The case in point was so ridiculously trivial ... my reaction was so extreme .. I'd hate to think what would happen if I really had something to fear ... lol ((thanks anyway))

The worst aspect of it for me Quintesse is the way it eats away at you ... it just gets worse and everything gets distorted and twisted. A very destructive emotion.

yes true beacon ... it's wise to try to keep ourselves in check though ... I didn't like feeling this way.

Jealousy is usually not recognized, until its too late. Sometimes it never is.

thank you for your observations and comments gryfnn. Yes, the domination by any of the "sins" is ultimately destructive. Balance and perspective are necessary requirements to keep them in check. Motivation, drivers - what makes us tick as human beings - all these things serve to move us forward even if the base mover could be seen as a negative impulse. We use all our instincts ultimately to evolve and as you suggest can inspire us to all forms of creation!!

For instance, jealousy can arise as a form of admiration--one can see attributes in another and wish to emulate them...pride is presented as "self respect" with satisfaction in our accomplishments; anger can energize us to fight injustice; sloth can inspire us to rest and take a needed vacation; gluttony can enable us to enjoy a feast, a celebration; greed might motivate us to provide for our family and to work hard for a decent habitat; LOL: lust makes procreation a form of recreation.

Still, within each of us is the possibility to transcend our negative impulses....Jealousy, Pride, Anger,Sloth, Gluttony, Greed and Lust...the seven deadly sins. I think, when they have a capital letter there is no justification for any of them...they are simply destructive. With a small letter, each one has a place in our biology and are part of our instincts for self preservation and preservation of the species. Any one of the seven, if they dominate your being--can make a person absolutely miserable.

Yes dex ... my biology comes around to bite me regularly !!!

The green-eyed monster can really sneak up on us and dominate our feelings, can't it, Bliss? And as you say, it is something intensely physical. <br />
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It is possible to justify jealousy on biological grounds: it is, perhaps, nature's way of ensuring that we preserve and protect our genetic investment in our offspring; we males feel the need to prevent our partners from being unfaithful so that we can be more sure that children are our own; and you females want to make sure that we males are available to protect and provide for your children.<br />
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Some of us like to think that we have evolved past the point of jealousy, but we are deluding ourselves. We are still prisoners to our biology.

Sometimes when it suppresses so much it just explodes.

Its one of the worst emotions I have ever felt and it has made me do some incredibly stupid things.