Beyond Indoctrination

I am a year and a half away from being a half century old. From my earliest memories, I was taught about angels, god, Jesus, the trinity and the cute little stories from the bible that my family wanted to focus on.
Although I had many unanswered questions regarding religion, Deep down none of them made sense to me. At prayer groups, I thought that everyone had something that I lacked. Trust me, I tried with all of my might to connect and reach this divinity that everyone promised was with me but I just never felt it,heard it or saw it . Everything that God was being given credit for could easily be attributed to human beings and when it couldn't be,then the standard fare was "god works in mysterious ways"(instead of just simply admitting they didn't know how or why something was as it was) To this day, one of my pet peeves is people making up facts to answer questions they really have no answer for.
I was baptized multiple occasions , because I was in the mindset that the previous time just didn't work for one reason or another.
This sort of thing went on for many years while I continued studying the bible, and exposing my children to it because that was what was expected of me from friends , family and community
Then one day, my son refused to go to church anymore.He looked me straight in the eye and said "Mom, religion is bullshit". I nearly fainted. Then I got angry and wanted to smack him. But that one comment from my own flesh and blood ticked away in my bain and finally allowed me to begin to demand answers for what I was being taught and inspired me to study the bible book and its propaganda . Day by day, the evidence was heavily stacking up that this good book was full of violence, hate and revenge and most of all, mythology. It has been quite a journey away from religion, but I have never felt freer. I don't need to be saved. I don't need eternity. I don't need religious pity although believers NEED to give it to me regardless. Just being here NOW is simply spectacular. Religion free for 7 years and never felt happier.
lemmony lemmony
46-50, F
Sep 26, 2012