Yes, Yeaaaaaaaa...

Yes, yeaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! Recently I decided that my sick, perverse family will no longer be able to use me as their scapegoat for EVERYTHING. This was by no means an easy decision because I simply had to disown my parents and in doing so, since none of them have a backbone, and are too worried about be written out of the will, I knew that I would also lose all four of my siblings plus 2 nieces and a nephew. BUT now with me out of the picture, they can chose another scapegoat, or not replace that title, and simply self destruct. If I had continued to be everything that my family NEEDED me to be, I would be doing a complete disservice to my children. So the choice was made for my Sanity and so as not to taint my children more than they already have been by my family.

IN FACT, by my next birthday I am legally changing my name so that I am no longer my mothers namesake. I am shortening Patricia to Trish and taking the last name of my sons!! That is my gift to me and the final symbolic tie from this family!!  Does it sound like a big thing to do ..... yup, but it will mentally be one more baby step back to MY life and freedom!!

AlwaysRemembers AlwaysRemembers
41-45, F
3 Responses May 10, 2007

I agree Celainn, it is inexpressibly sad and not a decision I made lightly in anyway. But when you are sexually abused by your own father for 15 years AND he finally admits to it in writing, and your own mother still choses to believe it never happened (and trust me that is just the tip of the iceburg) than after LONG consideration, I felt like I had no choice. We were apart for 5 years before and it was terrible, but I did finally agree to come back to the family, BUT when they continually try to beat you down, INFRONT of your children, than do I teach my children that JUST because they are *blood* that you accept such horrific lies, OR do you teach your children, that despite being blood relatives they can do AS much if not MORE damage to your psyche, if you continually allow them to BASH you :(

good for you!!!<br />
your life is for living. GO FOR IT!!!

Our families can create a very controlling enviroment for us. Not being able to be who we truly are or follow our own beliefs for fear of the consequences that follow. A lot of us spend our entires lives trying to live up to the expectations of others. In that, we lose ourselves and sight of who we really are. Good for you for making your own path in life and chosing to stand up for your beliefs for yourself and your children! Your children will grow to respect you for that. Instead of opting for the easy road and going along with everyone elses plans for you, you have chosen to stand on your own. You sound like a strong and independent person! Good luck with everything!