I Just Can't Do It ...

I often have times at home where I have to be careful what I say to avoid an argument.  But, sometimes I have to stand my ground.

I am in a difficult situation at home where I often have to balance keeping the peace with my husband and not appearing to be a pushover in front of my daughter.  

If my daughter sees me giving in to him, she says I am too easy and I feel she loses respect for me.  She says I don't stand up for myself enough.

But, I just don't have the strength for a fight sometimes and I accept quiet defeat just to avoid it.

He can be bullying and controlling at times and she witnesses me trying to calm him.

She doesn't understand that I just can't fight all the time, I can't use my energy in that way.  

Occasionally though I do stand my ground and I'll give out as good as I get.  When that happens all hell breaks loose and it seems like my world starts to fall apart.  No physical violence thank heavens, but just ridiculous yelling and threats that he'll leave and so on.  

I have to choose my time carefully.  It's not easy living the way I do, but I have no choice right now.  I compromise in so many areas and have to ignore so much that I disagree with.  But that's my life and my choice.  It's not all bad by any means and I suppose I have learned to cope over the years.

womaninbliss womaninbliss
51-55, F
10 Responses Feb 10, 2010

We make our choices and we stand by them - I understand that. But to cope with the things happening? Please don't say it's not all that bad...because it's not all that good either. I may not know the whole story, but coping in a relationship.....??? I wish things work out for you so you don't have to cope anymore. *hugs*

I understand what you're saying DayPassion. Once you have made the conscious decision to break away ... even if you are still physically living in the same house ... tolerance does change. I have experienced the same thing and will not put up with quite the same nonsense that perhaps I did before. I have been told that I have changed and that I am more assertive ...

Though I can still fall into the 'Yes dear" mode when I came back from Japan...(and from my little fling) I was more into the "No, dear" or "This is what I think" even the kids could tell...I was tired of being told my opinion...or what I thought....or what was right "Your tired"(Nope...im not).."Our kids..."(Use 'our' if you've asked what I thought)....<br />
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Of course that freedome comes at a price...

well, it's the kids that make the difference in my opinion. it's not always wise to "stay for the sake of the children" but it does depend on the situation.

yeah not always easy but it shows your real inner streignth too witch is obviously amazing because you cope<br />
we still need some things for our selves though to help survive,some would say its selfish but i think compared to how much worse it could be with out those things specially when you have kids to consider too....ya know?

Yes, you just have to wait for the appropriate moment, patience is a virtue isn't it?

no ive been where are are i had the physical violence that i put up with for way to long,im just glad the kids never saw that,but im out of that now and things are looking up,im rebuilding my life with new foundations and its slow and hard sometimes but i will get there,i know you will be able to do the same at some point,its just about biding your time

I wasn't being sensitive ladee ... not at all ... no worries hon!!

Oh I can be light on my feet when I have to be ladee!!! It takes practice!!! and believe me I've had plenty!!

Yes I agree. Thank you for your comment LadyA. My husband and daughter do not get along at all well and I have to be there as much as I can to keep the peace there too. It gets exhausting sometimes.