I Want My Baby Back...):

I had an abortion On June 20th. I didn't want it but I wasn't strong enough to fight her father on the decision. When we got to the clinic there were protesters outside that made me really start rethinking my decision to abort. After we signed in they gave me a packet of information on what they would be doing to me and my daughter. (FYI, according to Ramzi theory or whatever it's called I was having a girl, & I decided to name her Marie Lynn.) the things in this packet made me cry because I was so scared for myself. The first time I went back the lady gave me an ultrasound.. She offered me pictures and I couldn't refuse. After seeing my little Marie inside me I cried and tried extremely hard to convince baby daddy to let me keep the baby. I even said nobody would have to know it was his.. I'd lie and say I didn't know who the father was. I told him I would move to my aunts house 9 hours away and hide the pregnancy from everybody but my family. At this point I was crying so hysterically that he just held me until I could calm down. Once I was calm they called me back for the second time. This time to get pain medication and a pelvic exam. It was awkward and honestly scary.. After that I was calmed down because of the pills and not even thinking straight yet I still managed to cry thinking about what would soon happen. When we got into the room to actually have the procedure done I immediately started crying. He held me and kissed me and assured me this was the best choice for us. Throughout the entire procedure he continued doing this... I cried so much the doctor actually asked me if I changed my mind &then informed me that it was too late to turn back, I had already been dialated and needed to continue. Ever since then I have been a ****** up emotional mess and I beg my daughter in letters daily to forgive me and somehow show me she forgives me for what I did to her. I hate myself for what I did and I contemplate suicide every day. The reason j don't do it is because I think. I deserve to suffer for what I did to Marie Lynn. She didn't deserve this, and I don't deserve the pleasure of seeing that baby girl in heaven. I want more than anything to take my abortion back.... Im so sorry Marie. Please forgive me....):
RIPMarieLynn RIPMarieLynn
18-21, F
3 Responses Jul 11, 2012

HI!<br />
sorry to bother you again, I am just checking on you to make sure you're o.k?<br />
You're so upset and I understand I am worried and concern about you if you don't want to post here please email me though Ep mail? Please, I am really worried and I care.<br />
thank you. please, know I am here for you.

HI!<br />
sorry to bother you again, I am just checking on you to make sure you're o.k?<br />
You're so upset and I understand I am worried and concern about you if you don't want to post here please email me though Ep mail? Please, I am really worried and I care.<br />
thank you. please, know I am here for you.

HI!<br />
I am so sorry you went and had to go though this. <br />
Please don't commit succide, please think what it would do to your family and friends how devasting it would be to them.<br />
I can only imagine what your going through. I bet Marie Lyn would not wont you to do that, she'd want you to go on live your life, and keep her memory alive your her memory keeper.<br />
I am sure she understands and forgives you.<br />
Please, keep in touch I do care very much.