Still Distraught After 7 Months

I'm 19 years old and I had an abortion 7 months ago. I was 10 weeks so I had the pill. At the time me and my partner were so in shock we made a quick decision and I could tell he really didn't want me to keep it. When at the hospital I wasn't even upset until I saw the foetus/baby come out. I was told by the nurses it was probably best not to look but I couldn't help it and was looking at it for a good few minutes before breaking down. After the nurses took it away I calmed down and for the rest of the day I was upset but not that much. 7 months on and I can't stop thinking about it. I've got the image of it in my head and I can't stop thinking 'what if'. The only thing I want in life is to be a mum and when I had the chance I threw it away. It's getting me so down, I don't know what to do or who to speak to because my boyfriend doesn't know what to say. It's the worst pain and I know it will never go away.
mfcx mfcx
22-25, F
2 Responses Apr 16, 2013

Me too

I really empathize with you, through reading your story. Our recovery and discoveries come differently for every person, and I only hope and pray that your situation improves. I especially hope that you find someone, a good friend, maybe a family member, or a professional therapist that can help you to feel some relief in telling your story. I'm really not suggesting that there's a quick-fix solution to what you're feeling (if only there was!), but different things can help--help how you feel, how you see life, how you view yourself. The pain might or might not lessen, but I know how it can feel--you might get to the point where you feel so desperate for some kind of relief that you'll do anything, try anything to feel even a degree of "better." I hope and pray that you'll feel renewed hope for the future, too. Although we have no control over the past once it's in the past, and the past can dictate parts of our future, there is a lot in our control. Don't ever think that you don't have the strength to push on forward! Much love