I Thought He Was The One

I'm a 21 year old Female. I always wanted to wait until marriage. I'm a junior in college and I had a friends w/ benefits for 2 years, we did everything but sex and we really just used each other. At the beginning of junior year I met my first boyfriend, he met ALL my standards, looks, religion, intelligence, he was in grad school took me out on fancy dates, treated me like a queen. We were so infatuated and I knew it but I really thought he was the one. We were together for 3 weeks before I lost my virginity to him and I didn't regret it at the time. We stayed together for another 3 weeks but then he dumped me b/c he got scared. I was so heartbroken. To make a long story short we were together off and on for 9 months and having sex. I thought we were in love but once he graduated in May I have yet to here from him and it's the end of July. He moved to Florida and I'm in New York City. I didn't regret it at the time, because to me sex is an expression of love...but now I wish I would have waited for marriage...but I'm not sure if I should regret it or not...I could have been with someone worse, but I definitely could have waited for someone better. I used to cry myself to sleep almost every night over him but now I'm getting over him and the feeling is definitely strange considering how much I thought he was the one...I guess I'm just asking you guys to pin point my feelings for me b/c I'm having trouble interpreting them myself.
jadoreamour jadoreamour
18-21
6 Responses Jul 21, 2010

Actually whether there is or is not something wrong with sex before marriage is completely debatable. Premarital sex is listed in the Bible as a sin. And I do believe it is wrong. Just as wrong as hitting someone or stealing. <br />
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And 73 is right. This is very similar to my story. In ideals anyway. I messed up and had sex before marriage. It tore me apart. But I've decided two things: 1) I need to move on. This isn't the end of the world and my life will go on. I regret it and it will never be something I'm proud of, but it is a learning experience. And 2) I still think premarital sex is wrong. So I mustered up the courage to purchase a chastity ring. I screwed up, but that doesn't mean I need to now compromise my ideals and beliefs. So I'm going to wait until marriage from this point forward. One foot in front of the other. <br />
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So if you still wish you had waited until marriage? You still can. You can decide that the next time you meet the one, you can wait and think, "Maybe this isn't the one. I'll wait until I'm completely sure." And maybe, you'll realize that he wasn't Mr. Right and you'll be saved this extra heart break all over again. And if he is Mr. Right? Then waiting just makes the experience that much sweeter.

Tammy, you are a great woman, have great ideals, are very wise, wish all girls have mom like you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with sexing before marriage. Knowing each other sexuality is part of knowing each other before committing the whole life to each other. <br />
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Sex plays into marriage just like anything else and if you are not compatible , you don't wanna be into relationship.<br />
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Of course as one grows older for some reason sex become irrelevant and thus you see so many sexless marriages yet they are still together.

There is plenty more that you can share with someone other than your cherry. I believe you should take that experience as more of a learning curve than a curse - you'll make out just fine :)<br />
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Best of luck and thanks for sharing :)

Your story/experience is almost identical to one posted by lullabyerose<br />
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Positive thinking is the idea....sometimes a negative experience helps define "where the Bottom of the Barrel is located." But openly admit that you made a mistake, to yourself immediately, to your family eventually and to your marital partner prior to marriage. Otherwise, that mistake will haunt your marriage forever. If your potential spouse can't take it, then he has helped y0u to make the correct decision to keep on looking. <br />
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Everyone makes a mistake. The difference between a Genius and a Klutz is the Genius learns from his or her mistakes!<br />
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Post Its were supposed to stick!<br />
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Spitzer made some pills to cure Angina (Heart problem). They did not do anything to cure angina, but someone noticed that the men involved in the test would not give their sample pills back. The name of the pills was Viagra!<br />
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Most couples see marriage as a compromise situation.<br />
This is 180 degree wrong! Marriage is an Optimize situation.<br />
You do what is best for him, and he does what is best<br />
for you.This is the ideal. If this the way your future marriage works, then you are truly blessed.<br />
You realize that you have compromised yourself and your ideals. Compromise is selfish and has no place in a loving marriage.Talk is cheap but reality is what counts.<br />
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I have always found that a person who has fallen, admitted it, and raised himself or herself back up becomes a superior person, worth of note.and great respect.

Tammy, I wish you were my mom! Good advice,couldn't have been said better.

Oh sweety, I wish I could give you a big hug! You remind me my daughter (who is 28 now), but married when she was 23 AND she a virgin too (as was her new husband). Without sharing too many details, I think things were fun, interesting and good for the first year. Then things started changing. He wanted to try this, and she didn't. He wanted it daily, if not twice a day. and she was working full-time and going to college full-time, so she was EXHAUSTED! He had a cushy job and worked from home. This caused many problems over the next several years and their divorce was final in February. I am telling you all this because they were not sexually compatible and since sex (and intimacy) are a very important part of the relationship, theirs could not work out. <br />
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Now, like you, I was raised to "wait for marriage" but I didn't either and I never regretted that (and don't you either!). You are a grown woman now and can make your ow decisions. I think having several relationships that involve sex, are vital for learning about yourself and your body, your likes and dislikes, etc. Now, I am not saying to have sex with every guy you meet, lol. But experience life and love. It comes in all shapes, sizes, colors, tastes, and smells. Explore without guilt. Then when are ready to get married, you both will already know you are sexually compatible, which is half the battle! <br />
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Of course, there is more to marriage (or any relationship) than sex...or there should be. Be friends first, have fun together, laugh a lot! Because later in life when the kids are grown and doing their own thing, you won't suffer from "empty nest syndrome". You will still have someone who you like to hang out with and can talk to. Trust me, being friends, intimacy, and good communication are the 3 things to a successful marriage. I should know...we will be celebrating our 29th Anniversary next month!!!<br />
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To 'pin point your feelings' for you, as requested, it sounds like you are still hurting for being dumped, maybe even feeling used? I sense a lot of guilt in your story and regret and I think you need to let all that go. You had sex with this guy because you thought he was the one. Your heart and intentions were good. Unfortunately your guy freaked out and fled, probably because of his feelings and fear of commitment. I know it is easier said than done, but chalk this up as "experience" and put it behind you. Take a deep breath and take a step forward. You will be fine!<br />
hugs,<br />
Tammy