Lostafraidusedandunloved

Okay. i know nobody will probably read this...but i honestly don't care i just need to talk..i hope this helps. Look..i'm fourteen years old and about to be a sophomore in high school. Ever since seventh grade I've had a crush on this guy..but he was always with one of my best friends. and she took me as a threat. so this year when he asked me out...i didn't want to hurt her, but i still really liked him. so i agreed to a "friends with benefits" relationship without knowing quite what i was getting into. that went on for my entire freshman year..but after everytime something happened between us..he would just ignore me and act like nothing happened. i thought it was the closest i'd ever felt to being loved..and all i would ever get...anyways..it got all around school about us and now im the "geeky sophomore wh*re" i never thought it would go as far as it did..and considering i had a boyfriend..i never thought it would happen..until we were at this party..we were cutting the cake and i didn't like the frosting..so i went to wipe it somewhere but couldn't find a place, so i wiped it on him..we got into this frosting fight that ultimately turned into making out..then he whispered in my ear that we'd have some real fun later..and i didn't think much of it...but..the truth is..i lost my virginity later that night..it was dark and i wasn't expecting anything more than foreplay..we were behind a barn..i don't know why i didn't stop it..after it happened i regretted it right away...and i thought i might have been pregnant so he kept talking to me because he was concerned and while i was talking to him..i found out that it was his first time too...and it made me feel at least a little better..i mean at least i'm not one of a whole bunch of girls, right??but now that i've found out i'm not pregnant..to this day he still won't speak to me. he used me..and i just acted like his pretty little play toy. god im such an idiot. the worst part is...i knew he would just be using me..i just wanted to feel wanted, you know? god i regret losing my virginity. i wasn't ready. i'm still not quite emotionally stable..and if i could take it back, i would. no doubt about it. 
so lets set the facts straight..
I...
  • let him break my heart...
  • lost my virginity while cheating on my boyfriend
  • went against my friends advice (i left that out..but they told me not to have anything to do with him)
  • got a reputation as the school wh*re
  • and lost the respect of my friends//and everyone.
this is not the reputation i was looking forward to having in high school..
but its all my fault. so i guess i can't complain...
confusedandafraid confusedandafraid
13-15, F
1 Response Jul 27, 2010

I'm so sorry that happened to you.<br />
Sometimes it's really hard to say no, when you really like someone.<br />
<br />
But one of the best pieces of advice I've ever heard is "Only do what feels good today, if it feels good tomorrow."<br />
Therefore if there's a good possibility something might turn out to be a regret or end up hurting more than helping, don't do it 'today'.