Worst, New-age Cliche Loss Of Virginity, Ever.

I lost my virginity ten days before my sixteenth birthday, to a college guy that I had added to my facebook the night before. He had graduated from my highschool the year before, and i added him without really knowing who he was. He ended up talking to me on facebook chat and we agreed to meet up the next day. We ended up going to a beach thats close to where I live, and oh man, thinking of the absolutely ridiculous stupid **** i was spouting on about makes me cringe - so embarrassing, really. he must have thought i was retarded. anyway, we ended up having sex on this private beach that didn't have sand, just rocks. and he was really well endowed, so it hurt like a *****. it was over within ten minutes and i was kind of in shock. before we left i grabbed one of the rocks that i'd bled on and put it in my pocket, and i still have it. i bought a rootbeer float at a nearby ice cream shop, and then he dropped me at home and we didn't talk again for a year. but i couldn't get him out of my mind. I did - and still do, constantly check on his facebook page and see what he's doing. i had given a piece of myself to someone i didn't even know, and suddenly i wanted to know his middle name and his favorite color and band. he's still an enigma to me, really, and it breaks my heart that i let this foolish college kid hurt me so deeply - not physically, but mentally. the whole experience has made me much less trusting of men in general, and also changed the way that i function sexually. i'm much more compulsive sexually than i believe i ever would have been if i hadn't lost my virginity to this guy. and to make matters worse, less than a month after i lost my virginity i met an amazing guy that i'm still with - (our one year anniversary is soon!) and that i really wish i could have lost my virginity to instead of this guy. and if that isn't enough, college kid texted me when he got back into town this summer, and asked if i'd want to hook up. and i said yes. so for the past month and a half i have been having sex with the guy whom i lost my virginity to, even though i don't even know him or really like him, and i'm in a supposedly committed relationship. i realize how crazy it sounds, and i'm not trying to pull some sort of thing like, 'oh! i lost my virginity to him! i have a deep rooted attachment and love for this man because he brought me into womanhood with his ****!' what I'm saying is, the loss of my virginity ****** me up. bad. if i could do it over again, i never would have met up with college kid in the first place, and i sure as hell wouldn't have let him have sex with me. you really need to choose who you lose your virginity to carefully. even if you don't see it as a big deal and just want to 'get rid' of your virginity, please, just wait until you're with someone you trust and who you can talk to. **** all that saving-it-for-marriage stuff if thats how you feel, and if you do feel like you want to save it for marriage, **** having sex with random kids. seriously, you need to follow your heart, girls - but you also need to be careful. losing my virginity changed the person i was becoming and looking back today, i wonder what i would be like now, just a little over a year after i lost my virginity, had i not had careless sex with the first willing guy i encountered just so that i could feel grown up. i felt like if i wanted to truly be me i had to get rid of the burden of my virginity, but i was completely wrong. SAVE YOUR VIRGINITY FOR SOMEONE WHO DESERVES IT, BECAUSE YOU DESERVE SOMEONE WHO WILL MAKE YOU FEEL SPECIAL AND WHO WILL BE THERE FOR YOU AFTER. i didn't do that, and i'm struggling with the consequences to this day.
silvra silvra
20 Responses Aug 5, 2010

You had sex with a guy you barely knew, on your own accord and now you distrust men in general? That makes absolutely no sense. and if you're in a relationship.. uhh, stop cheating??

Nice advice for all the girls out there....
The fact that you are again having sex with him even though you are in a relationship is a bit odd.... but its probably oxytocin effect. thats why you are also eager to know more about his likes and willingly accepted his invite to hook up after such a long time.

Forgive me for my ignorance, but what is oxytocin effect?

How are things with you now?

I understand your story, and wish things had turned out different for you. But you said that the experience of losing your virginity to what was basically an internet hook-up one-night (day) stand, caused you to not trust men in general. While I agree some men aren't trustworthy, nothing in your story even remotely suggests the guy lied to you about anything, nor does your story suggest he somehow forced or pressured you. Let's be blunt, pretty much ANY single guy (and some guys with girlfriends) will be happy to have sex with a girl if she will let him. That's just basic common sense. If you LET a guy have sex with you, then there is no reason to not trust other men. That's just silly. Every guy I've ever been around respected my "no" (if I said no). I have no reason to be untrusting of men just because I said "yes" and later regretted it.

Wow, that was a great story. I'm a 26 year old virgin and I'm sorry that you regret losing your virginity to this guy. Sometimes we make mistakes in life...

very true

Well said, and good advice.

I know this post was made over 4 years ago...but I just want to say that I really relate to your story, but I don't completely agree with your conclusion.

My story is basically another version of yours. I lost my virginity to a guy I barely knew who was much more experienced and only wanted to hook up. After we had sex for the first time, I grew more and more emotionally attached to him, and all he had to do was pick up the phone and I'd rush right over. After my first time with him, I kept the bra and underwear I was wearing, and I'm pretty sure it's still rolled up in a dusty ball in my room in my parent's house. The experience changed me and made me very distrustful of men and unhappy with myself for years. I felt like a used, discarded piece of trash. I was afraid that no one would want me when they discovered I was someone else's leftovers.

But your ultimate happiness doesn't depend on whether you lose your virginity to someone special. Yes, it can be traumatizing to have sex for the first time with someone who doesn't give a **** about you. And it will take time to heal. It will take a lot of internal reflection and perhaps even therapy. But going through that kind of an experience made me a stronger person and made me who I am today. I don't regret it at all.

Why are( were) you still doing it with him when you were with an amazing guy? Just cz u lost your virginity to him doesn't mean he's entitled to it whenever he wants a quickie. I realize I'm 4 years late here but what's become of the amazing guy and the college kid?

Good luck to you in what ever you do

Just because you lost your virginity doesn't mean you have to have sex from there on. You can still choose over your sexuality and if you want, you can choose celibacy over again.

i'm sure over time you will feel better good luck

good luck on how you deal with what happen

I'm sri lankan(a country near to india) boy.inn south asia we have high respect for virginity. Itz a sacred thing to give with marriage, but nower days we are changing into western traditions, itz very common to have some sort of sex between lovers, i had 2.5 years old relationship, but we didn't lose our virginity.. We both nedded to do it,we ve done every other things instead of vagina related things, but i separated from her a month ago because of understanding problems,it hurts that relationship was ended,but we are sort of happy about how we controlled us, we had plenty of chances to do it, but we controlled ourselves, coz we wanted to save it for the honeymoon night, I'm totally agree with your idea,virgina is not the everything, so just save it and do anything else,because finally you can be very proud about yourself, this may b a joke for western culture, but even you live in worst town in US,If you have confidence and courage to say no, you can save it,it may b not possible until honeymoon, but atleast wait for the college, or for real love.. Good luck!!

Are you anmd him still having sex?

I lost my virginity to a friend with benefits. We first had sex a month after I first met him, I don't regret losing it to him. It's been 6 months since we established being friends with benefits.

great advice

look on the bright sidea least you did not got knocked up

Some time back i searched through all the comments about this subject. There were all kinds of people that had said."I am so sorry that I lost my virginity to xxxx who was a real YYY.<br />
There were also a few stories about how I lost my virginity to zzz who was so sweet and tender.<br />
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but there was not a single story posted saying that they were so glad that they were a virgin on their wedding night. Why not, I wonder.<br />
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I was a virgin on my wedding night and my wife says that she was too. We started our married life together with a short prayer and then i slowly brought my super hard penis up to her vagina.. I was scared as Hell! as soon as the tip of my penis touched her vagina, I **********. I doubt that she felt the slightest pain since the penetration did not occur this first time. I was surprised at how well things went and so was she. We have been married 44 years now, and still enjoy a roll in the sack once a week. It took some training and effort, but she is now multi-orgasmic, and we reach a dual ****** in 95% of our encounters. we found that there are several well kept secrets about sex, and I wanted to write a book on these secrets, but she won't let me, because she does not want to let out our "trade secrets". <br />
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I will tell you the best way to long lasting sexual enjoyment. Most people say that Marriage is a compromise situation. ABSOLUTELY WRONG. 180 DEGREES WRONG. Marriage is an opportunity to Optimize . This means i should do that which is best for my wife, and she should do what is best for me. A compromise is a selfish , negative reaction. Doing what is best for your spouse is a loving positive action. Think positive and stop keeping score.<br />
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As the old saying goes, there might be snow on the roof, but there is also fire in the fireplace.

Great advice. Very sorry this happened to you. It wasn't fair. Usually I'm told that losing it will make me freer and less uptight or stuck up, even though i know it won't be like that. Thanks very much.