Can't Believe How Much I Screwed UpI met the love of my life when I was 16 and although it was complicated from the start, he was different from the rest and I never wanted to give up. We were together about a year and a half, and I decided that the fighting and arguing was too draining and I couldnt do it anymore. I broke up with him at the beginning of the summer, and decided because I had no more fighting or drama, that this was the best for me. I stayed single most of the summer because I didnt want anyone else and honestly I felt this empty feeling and I wasnt myself. I made some terrible choices that i regret to this day.
I started talking to this guy I met a while back and had no feelings whatsoever for him, but because my ex was talking about other girls and saying he didnt care/miss me, I started getting close to someone else to fill the gap in my heart. I got extremely drunk one night, and decided to stay at the guys house instead of going back home... biggest mistake of my life. We had sex, even though i was so out of it i couldnt even walk. He wasnt a virgin, and i did say that i didnt want to... but it happened anyways. I broke up with him soon after, and realized that my ex was the only one I was going to love. And eventually we got back together, because he told me he never stopped loving me.
He knows everything, and I know it hurts and bothers him, but I think about my mistake over and over again, and I cant forgive myself. I feel sick to my stomach knowing that I could have had him being my one and only. We would have had all our firsts together, and now I ruined it. I really wish I could go back in time and change that night, I wish I would have left with my friends and not stayed the night. I don't drink anymore, just because I made the worst mistake of my life. Its my biggest regret and i have no idea how to get over it. My boyfriend now loves me more than anything and i feel the same way. I was his first, and i hate that we couldnt share that together. I would do ANYTHING to take back my mistake.
afrojuice 18-21, F 4 Responses 1 Dec 26, 2010