Why Didn't I Truly Think?I lost my virginity to a guy who I got together with right after I broke up with my previous boyfriend. He hurt me pretty badly with his "secret friend" and I made up my mind very early on, after a lot of pressure from my own parents to get with him before he was gone, that I would put everything into this next relationship.
Well, we had been together for a few months and I started to really fall for him. Even if he was a jerk most of the time, but I kept my promise to myself. I was always having to apologize about anything I said that hurt his ego. Which needed puffed up all the time.
I finally gave it to him in his apartment, not at all what I thought it would have been. I regretted it right away. But that wasn't the end of the pain he dealt me. Not at all.
He then didn't talk to me for 3 days. Not a word, text, email, or sigh. Then when I finally couldn't take anymore I went over to his place madder then I'd ever been. Then he told me we were too different and that he didn't see a lasting future with me.
He broke up with me.
I felt so used and betrayed. I had had a pregnancy scare with him before and after that I thought I was pregnant because I woke up sick and nauseated. I lost a lot of weight and I didn't want to do anything.
I hadn't ever drank before that time but the following days I drank and drank. But I couldn't ever get drunk. Seems like I hold my liquor very well. I still haven't gotten to "drunk" yet. But I stopped drinking for awhile. I started to realize that I craved a drink when I was the least bit upset. Even now I have some problems with it.
So, don't ever just make up your mind about something. I learned the hard way. Trust and fullness of body and spirit isn't something to just give away without really KNOWING you should.