What A Broken Heart Can Do To A Smart Girl ........

when I was 15 I was dating a guy who was 17 and I was so in love with him .He was my first real boyfriend . When I say real I mean dates by our sevles and doing more than just kissing . He was my first for everything but Sex . I was to scared to have sex . Growing up in a home where your parents wanted you to be sexless until marriage . So I was to scared . We dated all most 11 months before he called and told me it was over . I was a wreck . I wanted sooo badly to go back in time and just do it with him. He didnt break up with me because of sex but I wanted that with him . I didnt feel like I would ever love like that again . About 6 months later I started to date this boy named Tommy . He was nice and funny . We had some of the same friends. I was numb honestly by this point and I just wanted so badly to feel something . I told Tommy I wanted to have sex and he thought I already had sex with Tyler my Ex . He said he didnt want us to be all about sex so we needed to wait . In the mind space I was in at this point wasnt good so I didnt want to wait . I wanted to feel something anything . I felt like I missed my chance with Tyler at the time the Love of my life .
One day I was with a friend and I got a phone call and it was Tyler and he just wanted to see how I was doing and by the end of the call he tells me He still loved me but didnt want to be with me . He hangs up and I never heard from him again. After this every crazy call I was more messed up in the head than before. I loved a guy who says he loves me but not enough to be with me.
A week later I was at a park with Tommy in his car and we were talking about random stuff . I dont even know how it happend I just know the next thing I remember is being naked on the front of his car . It was not good or hot or love making . It just felt like I just got F***** by a guy who might have liked me . Not loved me....I knew right after that sex wasnt going to fix my issues or my heart . I hate thinking of my first time . It just reminds me how stupid I was back then.
LisaF2012 LisaF2012
22-25, F
2 Responses Sep 20, 2012

i accept sex is not love because before 2 days i have met with my girlfriend but i did not sex with her even i have a cool place and she was in my arms but my love is fair thats y i could not done anything wrong

i think you have to be ready to take that next step and granted we were very different from other kids

we had exploed every inch of each others body before that morning of 8 th grade graduation we had tlked with her mother and the lady that became my mother many times about the special issues we had to deal with

the only thing i regret was we should have gone to canda and i should not have joined the service my wife was killed at 19 the day after i was almost killed there if we had of went to canada maybe she would still have been alive and we would have been married 50 years last year