Ah Regrets... How The Little ***** Bother

I don't have the luxury of describing myself as a beauty or exceptional in any way really... I'm plain jane and it has never really bothered me. When classmate of mine rather suddenly took an interest in me, I was kinda floored... Over the moon really. Nobody had ever really taken a second glance at me before, even as far as friendships go I can't say that I have ever formed anything other than superficial ones. When this guy and myself ended up as partners in a project for a class we shared together, we spent a lot of time with each other and I thought maybe I'm finally going to get to know what being in a relationship feels like.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. I was being romanced and went with it even when I started to notice that he wasn't as interested with me as I was with him. When he made it clear that he wanted our relationship to become more physical, again I went with it because I didn't want to lose what we had even if I was only to get breadcrumbs as far as his emotions were concerned.

I was a virgin through and through, I didn't know what the heck I was doing but I was going to give it my best shot. His parents were gone for the weekend and he had the house to himself, I knew it was go time. When I got there immediately he pounced on me, no pretext. We went up to his room, and he gave the order that I had to ***** quickly, I balked a bit because I'm no small girl, I have been described as being okay looking but a bit "thick". I complied and he didn't even care, he told me to get on his bed, he followed and landed right on top of me. He basically forced his way in, gave a couple of thrusts and that was it. Now you see I knew this wasn't going to be an ideal first time already but I expected a bit more... Some tenderness perhaps? But no, as soon as the deed was done he had to make it my fault for his lack of performance. If I was better looking this wouldn't have happened, if I had any skills whatsoever it could of been better! I then had to give him oral, my whole reason for even getting with the guy was so that I wouldn't lose him... I no longer wanted him but him ragging on my lack of skills stung. I was a virgin for crying out loud what did he expect, I didn't even get a chance to learn the ropes. I decided that I was going to give him oral, and it was going to be damned good even if I didn't have the foggiest notion of what makes oral sex pleasurable for a "man", (I now see that this guy was no man, was probably more insecure than I was, and still an ******* to boot).

I wish I could say that I showed him... Nope, no latent talent or anything, I blowed at blowing... I think it's because I didn't have my heart in it I guess. I left feeling like a dumbass, because I knew I was aboard a sinking ship, but stayed on because I didn't want to lose to the damn thing even though it was useless. Devirginized and humiliated, what a day. I regret giving that *** my virginity and for not realizing sooner that I'm a good person and somebody would love to have a relationship with me... [insert any other empowering cliches here]. I can't say it was all his fault, I take my share of the blame, which sucks.
gabyisthebest gabyisthebest
18-21, F
Dec 11, 2012