Regretting My First Time

Hi everybody!

Seems like there are many people who have gone through the same as I have after all. I think I should tell you my story because I know the experience can be very frightening and you can end up regretting it a lot. Maybe this will help you to get over it.

Many people think that virginity is of high value and that's why we are being warned about losing it too early or to a wrong person. I think it is the reason why some of us start to regret losing it when it is with a wrong person or too early. In my opinion everybody decides what virginity means to them. To some people it isn't so valuable. It is something they want to experience early on or just get it over with. And to me it is acceptable.

I saved myself for the love of my life. Or that was until I turned 18... I lost my virginity to a guy who most certainly didn't deserve it. First I thought it was a right decision. I was attracted to the guy and everything but then I realized he only saw me as a sex object. Thank god it was only that one night and we used a condom.

I still regret it - really much. But I have also come to think that maybe it wasn't all wrong, because it felt good at that point in my life. I have always been very sexual in nature and I had thought about having sex many times because I thought I was ready. I can't blame the past me for doing what felt right back then. Because I wasn't even drunk and neither was the guy.

But even if in your situation you were drunk as hell... Yes, you can get over it and you must. You have to admit to yourself that you made a mistake. You can go and regret it for the rest of your life or you can start the healing process. I often think that losing your virginity when you are not ready or when you think it was wrong is actually nearly the same experience when you are being sexually abused. I say nearly because sexual abuse is of course more serious matter. But I think people who have gone through sexual abuse and losing their virginity to a wrong person have same kind of emotions: guilt, shame, anxiety and so on. It is because it cuts us so deep...

That's why you should let yourself grief. Let it out. But don't let yourself sink into depression. You can get over it if you want to. Many people have gone through the same thing. You have done a huge mistake and you feel guilty. Okay. But that's just life. What would be even bigger mistake is for you to never forgive yourself and live the rest of your life pitying yourself.

I often wonder where would I be if I hadn't done it... I know now the value of sex and love and I know I'm not going to give myself just to anyone. No one night stands for me anymore! One was enough in my case. Before I lost my virginity I thought sex was just for fun, like a game. But I learned it can hurt you and chase you into a corner. You must be very careful with it sometimes. There are people who are willing to hurt you if you let them. They are selfish kind of people who don't think about anyone else but themselves. That's the kind of people you should stay away from.

If your friends or boy/girlfriend are saying you should loose your virginity quickly think twice. It is your own decision and you must make the choice yourself. You should not make that choice under pressure because then it's twice more likely you are going to regret it - a lot.

Now, if some of your friends says it was stupid for you to lose your virginity or you hear other people say it was wrong in their opinion you can agree - or not. Only you know what the experience meant for you. But what I really want to say is that you should not accept judgments about your actions because they only make you feel worse. If someone ever judges you as a human because of that you can say "Yes it was a wrong decision, but I learned from it a lot. I had the courage to go on, but would you if you went through the same?" That's it! They don't know so they can't judge you really. They can go on thinking they are better or more clever than you but I am the living proof of the fact that no matter how careful one thinks she is she can always slip and make a mistake... But that's just a part of being human.

And when I think about it everybody loses their virginity at some point... what happens then? Do people just lose their human dignity or something? No, they don't. Of course it is nicer if your first time is a huge success but let's be realistic - in most cases it is messy, awkward and the total opposite of success...

It's better to live in the moment and learn from our mistakes rather than dwell on them constantly. :)
Varjoankka Varjoankka
Dec 12, 2012