Looking Back

I don't know if anyone is going to read this, but right now I feel like the stupidest person in the entire universe ! I was 16 when i lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 2 years, before even meeting him I wanted to stay a virgin till marriage, i even wanted a purity ring. Keeping my virginity was a big deal & then he showed up, when we 1st started going out he was so different we were so different, our relationship was so innocent. It took us 4 months to kiss for the 1st time & honestly sex was the last thing on my mind that was until February 14 2009. We broke up that day, he started going out with my friend & well long story short after a month I took him back, I know it was stupid on my part & that's when all the stupid mistakes started to happen, i found out he was cheating on me & not just kissing but having sex with his ex (my friend) & i stayed. After a few months they stopped seeing each other & he started to act different all he wanted to do was touch me, & he tried so many times to have sex with me & when i would say no he would just say "It's okay, i'll just go look for it somewhere else" Like i said I was a stupid teenager who felt extremely hard for someone who didn't really care & I guess i must of been blind because I didn't want to loose him & then he finally got his way I stopped saying no & since i didn't want to loose him well I gave him the most precious thing i had, the thing is it wasn't even special, it wasn't what i had imagined it wasn't love, it was just *****ng. That day after he left i felt like the grosses most nasty person in the world, i cried for hours. We went out for a year and a half more & since he had stayed i thought we would always be together & he was the one so I kept on giving him what he wanted until finally he left me & went back to my friend. At first i didn't regret it i thought at least i learned something but now that I'm 19 I regret it so much, lately i hate myself for giving him my most special gift, the worst is I know I'll never get it back, & if someday i do find the right guy I won't have something special to give him. You know about 2 months ago i started to get bumps under there & I'm scared I got an STD or something & i hate how there's a chance i ruined my life & i let my parents down & i let god down. I wish he had never shown up in my life, i wish i hadn't given him my v-card, I wish i could go back in time & stop myself from having sex with him. There's a guy i have a tiny crush on but he is a good guy & i feel worthless because he deserves someone who hasn't been used, & even tho I've only been with one guy i feel like the most used person in the world. Loosing my virginity was the worst mistake of my life. I'm sorry god.
An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Jan 13, 2013

If u find dat special guy everythng ul do wid him will be special in its own..n it was nt ur fault u nvr knew dat he ll cheat on u or he ll leave u..so if u like some good guy he deserves u..unless ur nt d one who leaves him..give urself a chance it l make u feel better :)