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To Regret Or Not

I don't regret losing my Virginity at 17. But i do regret that i wasn't a Virgin for my Husband (who was a virgin himself when we met). Contradicting right? Lets see if i can explain. I was Molested at 11 yrs old, i won't go into detail but i was still a Virgin after, albeit not totally innocent either anymore. By 15 i started to understand what had been done to me and taken from me as a woman understands not a child. By 17 i was terrified that id find the right guy and then when things were hot i'd just lose it, freak out. I didn't want to chase a good guy away not knowing if i'd be ok or not. So i found C well really i already knew C he was a guy in our group who made no joke about having been "Round the block a few times." I knew he'd help, knew he'd be gentle, knew he would tell the others unless i did first. if he did tell it'd just be another "so i was with this girl..." kind of stories. i was ok with that. I wasn't with him just once. After we Did it the first time and i knew i'd be ok, that i wouldn't flip out. Curiosity got the better of me, i wanted him to teach me things. Things about my body and the pleasure i could get and how to please him to. He did. I do love C in my own way kinda hard not to love the guy who knew your fears and treated you so gently. I just wish my husband and i could have learned these things together. Granted being the one to open his eyes to the power of it all was exceptional. suffice it to say i have one thing to be very proud of. For a girl who was abused i could have gone wild sleeping with any guys who'd take me. But i didn't i've only had intercourse with TWO men in my entire life. C and my Husband.
SSRaye05 SSRaye05 26-30, F Feb 4, 2013

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