I Would Marry Asap With A Cute Guy Who Gives Me Diamonds!! Know Why!!? They Will Be Jerks Anyway!! So Seize The Moment!!

Here I am, a little drunk again, but it feels good, or at least a bit warmer despise the sudden cold weather. I am with Junior right now, tbought it's just a stuff animal and it was a gift from that jerk.. well.. I still love my stuff animal... but no matter what.. it is the only thing that was with me durning those really horrible time. It doesn't love me, and it doesn't hurt me either. It gives me silent support in a way. So, it really hurts.. even up to right now. Although it is not suffocating me like before, it just hurts so bad. You know, actually it will be his birthday in a few days and I do always still think of him, it really sucks.. though I try not to,, I try so hard not so remember anything. You know, if you forget someone, that person basically doesn't exist. Right? I know I suck!! so much that I still can't forget everything.. what a dumb *** I am!!! I wish I can be some kind of jerk and doesn't care. If you believe in fairness and karma, you may as well be so disappointed and be depressed!!! I try every day to wish I can be such a ***** that I won't give a damn to anything. May be just play with hearts. I am now may be really to sell myself to a guy who would offer me diamonds!!! I am not cheap or care much for those bloody diamonds!!! But why should I give my heart to jerks?!! They are just self-centered and cheap and calculating!! I don't wanna get hurt anymore!! I would go with an alien who really cares for me and rescues me from all these misery!! But you may as well know in real life, miralce doesn't exist!! It's way easier to meet another jerk than a noble honest person! It just hurts so bad and I am again crying now!! And it doesn't really matter how many time I wet my own pillow!! All you have to learn is to be aggressive and being a total jerk. Then your life would be perfectly fine. Go play with hearts and it will give yourself some satisfaction. Just go tell them they are too pessimister and negative and mess with their hearts, and then voila, you will be perfectly fine!! OMG, I am so upset now. Still, I wonder if I can turn into a jerk sooner or later. I wish I can be, then I won't have any moral and then I will be feeling great and never care about being guilty or not, and life will be so much better and easier!!

Fairy, fairy, or anything, please let me forget the jerk completely. Please, please and really please. I am so miserable. And I have done nothing wrong to deserve crap like this.

I am not ugly or bad, I am quite an amiable and great person, but I am so destroyed by this jerk and it is so horrible!!! and I can't help crying again once more tonight.. this momentl. And this really sucks!! And I don't care if anyone can understand. I just wish I can be okay. Please send me an angel as soon as possible, I have been waiting for too long. Why can't things be merciful!! I need warmth and kisses and real love. I will coil up in my warm bed with little Jr and sleep. Be well myself!!!

PS. I promise and promise to myself that I will never send any silly emails ever!!! love