I Would Marry Asap With A Cute Guy Who Gives Me Diamonds!! Know Why!!? They Will Be Jerks Anyway!! So Seize The Moment!!

Here I am, a little drunk again, but it feels good, or at least a bit warmer despise the sudden cold weather. I am with Junior right now, tbought it's just a stuff animal and it was a gift from that jerk.. well.. I still love my stuff animal... but no matter what.. it is the only thing that was with me durning those really horrible time. It doesn't love me, and it doesn't hurt me either. It gives me silent support in a way. So, it really hurts.. even up to right now. Although it is not suffocating me like before, it just hurts so bad. You know, actually it will be his birthday in a few days and I do always still think of him, it really sucks.. though I try not to,, I try so hard not so remember anything. You know, if you forget someone, that person basically doesn't exist. Right? I know I suck!! so much that I still can't forget everything.. what a dumb *** I am!!! I wish I can be some kind of jerk and doesn't care. If you believe in fairness and karma, you may as well be so disappointed and be depressed!!! I try every day to wish I can be such a ***** that I won't give a damn to anything. May be just play with hearts. I am now may be really to sell myself to a guy who would offer me diamonds!!! I am not cheap or care much for those bloody diamonds!!! But why should I give my heart to jerks?!! They are just self-centered and cheap and calculating!! I don't wanna get hurt anymore!! I would go with an alien who really cares for me and rescues me from all these misery!! But you may as well know in real life, miralce doesn't exist!! It's way easier to meet another jerk than a noble honest person! It just hurts so bad and I am again crying now!! And it doesn't really matter how many time I wet my own pillow!! All you have to learn is to be aggressive and being a total jerk. Then your life would be perfectly fine. Go play with hearts and it will give yourself some satisfaction. Just go tell them they are too pessimister and negative and mess with their hearts, and then voila, you will be perfectly fine!! OMG, I am so upset now. Still, I wonder if I can turn into a jerk sooner or later. I wish I can be, then I won't have any moral and then I will be feeling great and never care about being guilty or not, and life will be so much better and easier!!

Fairy, fairy, or anything, please let me forget the jerk completely. Please, please and really please. I am so miserable. And I have done nothing wrong to deserve crap like this.

I am not ugly or bad, I am quite an amiable and great person, but I am so destroyed by this jerk and it is so horrible!!! and I can't help crying again once more tonight.. this momentl. And this really sucks!! And I don't care if anyone can understand. I just wish I can be okay. Please send me an angel as soon as possible, I have been waiting for too long. Why can't things be merciful!! I need warmth and kisses and real love. I will coil up in my warm bed with little Jr and sleep. Be well myself!!!


PS. I promise and promise to myself that I will never send any silly emails ever!!! love

ludai ludai
2 Responses Jan 5, 2012

i can't believe i just cry over my old words.. <br />
and thanks.. <br />
i want to remember nothing and nothing is peace. <br />
i don't like the word "move on" coz the jerk used it. <br />
I would rather think of getting back to my old true fabulous self. <br />
And hope you are happy and healthy and peace be with you too!<br />
and i mean it.. peace at heart and no more tears..<br />
btw, i cry with or without alcohol. But I tend to control myself when I am not drunk. So it was easier to write and cry freely to vent in a form. <br />
I am still confused. But I don't want to cry for another thousand days. <br />

You poor soul, just give your self a good shake and stop the drinking that only makes you think more about the little good times and gives you horrible hangovers.<br />
You actually escaped from that man he wasnt any good for you putting you down and making you feel inferior to him all the time, and when you say "i cant stop remembering him", dont forget you cant stop remembering when a (((RAT))) runs by you either. <br />
Just make yourself forget, you have to, You cant sit pondering over him and your own life is put on standby because of him.Hypnosis can help to get him out of your mind, so just buy a self hypnosis book and give it a read. <br />
You both are not together anymore (he aint bothering) so move on with your life.<br />
Im here if you need to someone to talk to, take care.