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Truth Or Dare

When I was thirteen years old, I found myself with my first really serious crush on a boy.  As far as I was concerned, this boy - Kevin - was the best thing since sliced bread.    And just as I came to this realization, Kevin and his family moved halfway across the country.

We kept in touch, via letters and phone calls.  My parents often found themselves paying significant phone bills because Kevin and I spent an entire night or two on the telephone.  In the summers, Kevin would come back to our hometown to visit. He'd spend a week or two at my house, a week or two at another friend's house, and so on and so forth.   I always loved when it was time for Kevin to be back in town.

Years passed, as they do, I turned fourteen, then fifteen, and sixteen.   And still, the highlight of my entire year was when Kevin would be back in town.  My first crush slowly became my first love.  Being the girl that I am (or was), of course I never told him.   One night, during the time when Kevin was staying at my house, we had a bunch of friends over... eventually we found ourselves wondering what we should do to occupy ourselves, and of course, someone just had to suggest good ol' Truth or Dare.

I'll admit that I'm a wuss, and that I will almost always choose Truth rather than Dare.  My friends knew me too well, though, and there was always a "two truths in a row max" rule in place.  Eventually I had no option, and I had to choose dare.   My then best friend was the one to ask me, and before she even said a word, I got a knot in the pit of my stomach.  The look on her face was purely terrifying to me.  "Ok, I dare you to kiss ... Kevin!" 

My heart stopped.   I may have wanted nothing more than to kiss Kevin, but I certainly didn't want to do it as a dare.   I wanted it to be a choice - and specifically his choice.  Initially, I protested.  "No way.  I'm not kissing anyone in front of a room full of people."  I admit I was just a little bit of a prissy girl as a teenager.  It just wasn't happening.  "Fine," they said. "You can go to your room, but we'll know if you lie about it."  I remember Kevin standing up and saying "Alright, c'mon, let's go" and dragging me out of the living room.

To my room we went.  We sat down on the edge of my bed, and laughed.  Kevin said "You don't have to do this if you don't want to."  Oh, but I did want to... just not under those circumstances.  I reminded him that I was a terrible liar.  He offered to be the one to answer the others when we were questioned.   I told them that they'd see straight through that, of course, and he admitted I was right.   And so... we kissed.  And I heard my heart thumping in my chest, and I loved every second of it, except for that one little detail.   That one major detail.

We finished, and stood up to go back out to the living room.  Sure enough, when we got back out to the living room, our friends made sure to question me, specifically.  I told them that we had... and then promptly burst into tears and made for the front door.

Outside, I sat on the hood of my parents car and sobbed.   I wasn't alone for very long.  The friend who had given me the dare came out first.  She explained that she knew that I was crazy about him, that everyone knew that I was crazy about him, and that she was honestly just trying to help.   I told her in no uncertain terms that it most definitely had not helped.   I sobbed some more.

Eventually, Kevin came outside to talk to me.  Years later, he told me that he had been under the impression that I was terrified that this incident was going to ruin our friendship.  I'm not sure how he wound up under that impression, but I suspect that other friends in the group were doing their best to handle "damage control" for me.  Kevin sat down on the hood of the car next to me, put his arm around me, and said...

"Don't worry.  It was just a game.  It doesn't mean a thing."

That was the whole problem. 

shelbs shelbs 31-35, F 11 Responses May 23, 2009

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That sucks man

I still have a love hate relationship with my first kiss crush. I don't know why I can't forget, it's been nearly twenty years. I still remember, but it just didn't work out. Still, so much had to do with me, and how immature I was, and sensitive and just easily hurt. My first love was way too above my head.

Jeesh, you and I think exactly the same.... exactly!!!

I think I would have been mad more at myself for not standing up for what I truly felt and If you were very discomforted, you should have bluntly told them that this was something you did not want to do. Teenagers play this silly game all the time knowing at one point you will be asked to say or do something totally beyond your limit.

Awh bless x really sweet story. Did he realize that you had a crush on him? Or didn't he ever find out? Really sad though. But really good story, thanks for sharing x

hahahahaha, great story :D

AAWWW thats such a cute first kiss story....as sensitive as you are i know you felt more love for him i bet.

DarkRaven: Thanks, but this all happened many years ago when I was sixteen - and Kevin and I, well, we were just not meant to be as a couple. ;) But, he's a wonderful guy, and still a great friend.<br />
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HippyChix: It did suck! It was pretty awful, but, things have a way of working out just the way that they're supposed to, just the way they should, and in this case ... they did. Eventually. :D<br />
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Jules: I'm glad to know that you're soooo happy. :D

my first kiss was when i was 5 with a guy named won and he turned out to be a complete jerk face but his friend that lived next door is now my boyfriend. soo i love him like a brother now same goes for me were like brother sister and, im seeind my bo Aris tonight SOOO HAPPY!!!!!

Aww, sorry hon', that must have really sucked. :(

Well, at some point later on in life, you did deepen your relationship together and you're also still very good friends today (as far as I know :P) So although it wasn't perfect, you still got it to be with the one you wanted at the time.<br />
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I really don't think Kevin truly MEANT that it was "meaningless." I think that may have been more of his way of shrugging it off to try and make you feel better (in a totally *** backwards way) about the whole thing - since you were so obviously upset.<br />
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There aren't very many smart "boys" out there. They tend to react first and think second. I have that sort of mentality But usually I don't care the outcome LOL I still don't believe his INTENTION was to make you believe it truly WAS meaningless - and I'll shush now :)