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The Good Girl...

 

My first kiss occurred only 2 days ago. It was at a friend’s party – the guy was a friend of a friend. From the very beginning he paid a lot of attention to me that night, we talked a lot and we kept locking eyes with each other across the room. He seemed really nice, and pleasant to look at too. Anyway, I guess things started to get a bit weird after we all caught a cab from the pub to a club in the city. There was a lot of loud music, so my friends and I sat near the bar where we could sit and talk. Soon after that, the guy and a couple of his mates came over to sit with us. They were funny and we were having a good time. Then the guy asked if I wanted to dance with him. I hesitantly agreed after some persuasion from my friends. Because I didn’t know this guy very well, I had a nagging gut feeling he liked me for the wrong reasons. You know, the whole turmoil of ‘does he like me for me? Or me just because of my body or the way I look …’ 

Anyway before I knew it we were on the dance floor, dancing. He was nice and at least I felt safe with him. He was talking to me, but I had no idea what he was saying – the music was just way too loud. I couldn’t even hear my own (naturally quiet) voice. So basically we just looked at each other and laughed at our own weird styles of dancing. Soon after, he pulled me in closer and I knew what was coming. In a way I wanted it to happen. Being 18, a lot of my friends had boyfriends, so I just wanted to know what kissing felt like. I liked feeling wanted. He was taller than me, so my eye level reached his chin. A couple minutes later his head dipped down towards my face…Well, this is it..i thought as his lips touched mine. But this wasn’t just your ordinary kiss. This was a full on make-out session that lasted 10 mins! Once during this time his hand slid down below my waist and he squeezed my butt. I know it sounds petty, even prude, but at that moment I felt so dirty inside. Kind of like I was losing myself, in a club kissing some guy I barely knew.

I thought he would stop, but he didn’t. So eventually I said that I needed a drink of water and walked away. I turned around to find all my friends there on the dance floor staring at me! They had seen it all!! I felt so embarrassed. It was a private moment, and I really was not ready for PDA. I’m normally the good girl and now that image of me would probably be forever changed in their minds..maybe that was a good thing. At the end of the night, the guy asked me for my number and, even though I didn’t want to go out with him because I was afraid it would move too fast, I gave it to him. When I got home that night I couldn’t sleep. When I saw his facebook profile the next day, his profile pic was of him and a mate surrounded by empty beer bottles, smoking cigarettes. Who was this guy that I had made out with for 10mins the night before? This guy that I had shared my very first kiss with? He hasn’t called me back yet, and although he was nice and I’m kind of glad I could learn from that experience, I really hope he doesn’t.

deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jan 17, 2010

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I had an experience similar to this and like you I would naturally be quite a private person, I was left feeling used and disappointed in myself. I did learn my lesson and refuse to kiss strangers and wait [hopefully!] for a prince charming who will remind me the joy of kissing!