Kiss That Still Haunts Me To This Day

We had been friends for at least 3 months. Christmas had just passed, it was nice to have spent some time with her. At night we would talk on a daily basis, and fall asleep on the phone. She was amazingly beautful on the inside and outside. I wanted to date her but she said no because the timing was not right.

The in Jan. I was supposed to meet her in the morning, and instead it changed to go over to her house for dinner with her and her mom and myself. I will never forget that day. It was my brothers birthday, my brother and I was never ever close but I still knew it was his birthday. The entire day leading up to meeting up with her I was in a nervous wreck. I knew she loved ice wine and she would sometimes enjoy it with her parents. So I decided to go buy one and bring it to her place.

Night time came, I went to meet up with her after she got off work. At first she was relcutant to go back to her house, and suggest we do something else. When I told her that I bought ice wine just for the situation. We went back to her place. Her mom was home, her mom didnt join us for dinner. It was just her and I. We ate, joked and talked during the dinner. Then after dinner, we sat in the living room, and I told her we should have the talk. She already knew what I meant. She quickly responded, we can't date. I asked her why, she said the timing isn't right. I told her then we can't be friends because it would hurt me to much, I liked her way too much. We kept on talking trying to reach a conclusion, she wanted a hug, I said yes because I knew at that point we wont be able to reach a conclusion. That hug dragged out longer then I thought it would.

We stood there holding each other for a while, she suggest we had an "affair" There won't be any growth, and we can't tell any of our friends. I agree but I knew she said that hoping I would say no. By this point we were sitting on the couch, just holding hands. I leaned in to kiss her and she turned away. She looked at me and said she wanted to kiss my lips, and how she was a good kisser. I asked her how did she know, and she said she's been told that.

I lacked experince in kissing, I jokingly said i was a bad kisser because i didn't have enough practice. However I leaned in, and kissed her. I knew I was NOT good at ALL. I was too agressive, and too much tongue.. I knew it... but the damage was done. that kissed CHANGED everything...

Fast forwards weeks and months later, we never dated, we tried to be friends, tried to have an affair... None of it worked.. I wish we didn't kiss that night.. We were both sober, and both fully aware of the situation.. It didn't make sense why she would kiss me.. it caused so much problems for me..

 Now a year later, she's out of my life.. She cast me out of her life asking me to never seek her out. I found out that she dated someone else, less then 3 months after that night. I was and still hurt from that kiss.. I wish I never kissed her.. That kiss lead to so many ups and downs, I have created a wall and dont allow anyone in anymore.

I think we live in a day and age where being a good person is not good enough. You need the 3 C's... You need to have a good CAREER.. you have to drive a nice CAR, and the 3rd C could be many things... you could be CUTE, CHARMING, CUDDLY, or have a CONDO... I dont drive because I enjoy taking the bus for simple reasons such as offering my seat to the elderly, or a pregnant lady, or a woman who has kids...  I love my current job, it has given me a great career... and I dont even know about the 3rd C...

That kiss was a gift and a curse... a gift because I at least now know to never ever allow myself to fall so hard unless I reach a certain point of success, and a curse because I still miss her, still want her... It cursed me that night, and I am haunted from that kiss to this very day.

deleted deleted
Feb 11, 2010